The rays of the lantern were falling on
Chuffy's face, and at this point I observed a subtle change come into his expression. A moment before, he had been solicitous old Doctor Chuffnell, gravely concerned about the sorely sick patient whom he had been called in to treat. He now grinned in a most unpleasant manner and, rising, drew Sergeant Voules aside and addressed a remark to him which told me that he had placed an entirely wrong constructionon the matter.
" It's all right. Sergeant. Nothing to worry about. He's simply as tight as an owl." I think he imagined he was speaking in a tactful undertone, but his words came clearly to my ears, as did the sergeant's reply. " Is that so, m'lord ? " said Sergeant Voules. And his voice was the voice of a sergeant to whom all things have been made clear. "That's all that's the trouble. Completely boiled. You notice the glassy look in the eyes ?
" " Yes, m'lord." " I've seen him like this before. Once, after a bump-supper at Oxford, he insisted that he |j was a mermaid and wanted to dive into the college fountain and play the harp there." "
Young gents will be young gents," said Sergeant Voules in a tolerant and broadminded manner. " We must put him to bed." I jumped up.
Horror-stricken. Tre"nbling like a leaf.
" I don't want to go to bed ' " Chuffy stroked my arm soothingly. " It's all right, Bertie. Quite all right. We understand. No wonder you were frightened. Beastly great spider. Enough to frighten any one. But it's all right now. Voules and I will come up to your room with you and kill it. You aren't scared of spiders, Voules ? " " No, m'lord." " You hear that, Bertie ? Voules will stand by you.
Voules can tackle any spider. How many spiders was it you were telling me you took on in India once, Voules ? " " Ninety-six, m'lord." " Big ones, if I remember rightly ? " "Whackers, m'lord." " There, Bertie. You see there's nothing to be afraid of. You take this arm. Sergeant. 1*11
take the other. Just relax, Bertie. We'll hold you up." Looking back, I am not certain whether I didn't do the wrong thing at this juncture. It may be that a few well-chosen words would have served me better. But you know how it is about well-chosen words. When you need them most, you can't find any. The sergeant had begun to freeze on to my left arm, and I couldn't think of a single remark. So, in lieu of conversation, I punched him in the tummy and made a dash for the open spaces. Well, you can't go far at a high rate of speed
in a dark shed littered with the belongings of a by-the-day gardener. I suppose there were quite half a dozen things I could have come a purler over. The one which actually caused me to take the toss was a watering-can. I fell with a dull, sickening thud, and when reason returned to her throne I found I was being carried through the summer night in the direction of the house. Chuffy had got me under the arms, and Sergeant Voules was attached to my feet. And, thus linked, we passed through the front door and up the stairs. It wasn't, perhaps, actually the frog's march, but it was quite near enough to it to wound my amour propre. Not that I was thinking such a frightful lot about my amour propre at the moment. We had reached the bedroom door now, and what I was asking myself was. What would the harvest be when Chuffy opened it and noted contents ? " Chuffy," I said, and I spoke earnestly, " don't go into that room I " But it's no good speaking earnestly if your *•
head's hanging down and your tongue has got tangled up with your back teeth. All that actually emerged was a sort of gargle, and Chuffy completely misunderstood it. " I know, I know," he said. " Never mind.
Soon be in beddy-bye now." I considered his manner offensive, and would
have said so, but at this moment speech was, so to speak, wiped from my lips, as it were, by amazement. With a quick heave, my bearers had suddenly dumped me on the bed, and all that the frame had encountered was a blanket and pillow. Of anything in the nature of a girl in heliotrope pyjamas there was absolutely no trace. I lay there, wondering. Chuffy had found the candle and lighted it, and I was now in a position to look about me. Pauline Stoker had absolutely disappeared.
Leaving not a wrack behind, as I remember Jeeves saying once. Dashed odd. Chuffy was dismissing his assistant. " Thanks, Sergeant. I can manage now." " You're sure, m'lord ? " " Yes, it's quite all right. He always drops off to sleep on these occasions." " Then I think I'll be going, m'lord. It's a bit late for me." " Yes, pop off. Good night." "
Good night, m'lord." The sergeant clumped down the stairs, making enough row for two sergeants, and Chuffy, with something of the air of a mother brooding over a sleeping child, took off my boots. " That's my little man," he said. " Now you lie quite quiet, Bertie, and take things easy."
It is a thing I have often wondered, whether
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