parrot, I hastened from the room. I had scarcely reached the stairs when I observed a hideous form. A little, short, broad, bowlegged individual with long arms and a dark, wizened face. He was wearing clothes of some description and he walked rapidly, lurching from side to side and gibbering. In my present cool frame of mind I realize that it must have been a monkey, but at the time ..." " What a home I " I said sympathetically. ** Add little Seabury, and what a home I How about the mice ? " " They came later. Allow me, if you will, to adhere to the chronological sequence of my misadventures, or I shall be unable to relate the story coherently. The room in which I next found myself appeared to be completely filled with small dogs. They pounced upon me, snuffling and biting at me. I escaped and entered another room. Here at last, I was saying to myself, even in this sinister and ill-omened house there must be peace. Mr. Wooster, I had hardly framed the thought when something ran up my right trouser leg. I sprang to one side, and in so doing upset what appeared to be a box or cage of some kind. I found myself in a sea of mice. I detest the creatures. I endeavoured to brush them off. They clung the more. I fled from the room, and I had scarcely reached the stairs when this lunatic appeared and pursued me. He pursued me up and down stairs, Mr. Wooster! "
I nodded understandingly. " We all go through it," I said. " I had the same experience." " You ? " "Rather. He nearly got me with a carving knife." "
As far as I could discern, the weapon he carried was more of the order of a chopper." " He varies," I explained. " Now the carving knife, anon the chopper. Versatile chap. It's the artistic temperament, I suppose."
" You speak as if you knew this man." -' " I do more than know him. I employ him. He's my valet." " Your valet ? " "Fellow named Brinkley. He won't be my valet long, mind you. If he ever simmers down enough for me to get near him and give him the sack. Ironical, that, when you come to think of it," I said, for I was in philosophic mood. " I mean, do i you realize that I'm giving this chap a salary all this time ? In other words, he's actually being paid to chivy me about with carving-knives. If that's not Life," I said thoughtfully, " what is ? "
It seemed to take the old boy a moment or two to drink this in.
I " Your valet ? Then what is he doing in the Dower House ? " " Oh, he's a mobile sort of fellow, you know. Now here, now there. He flits. He was at the Hall not long ago." " I never heard of such a thing." " New to me, too, I must confess. Well, you're
certainly having a lively night. This'U last you, what ? I mean, you won't need any more excitement for months and months and months." " Mr.
Wooster, my earnest hope is that the entire remainder of my existence will be one round of unruffled monotony. To-night I have seemed to sense the underlying horror of life. You do not suppose that there could possibly be mice on my person still ? " " You must have shaken them off, I should say. You were pretty active, you know. I could only hear you, of course, but you seemed to be leaping from crag to crag, as it were."
" Certainly I spared no effort to elude this man Brinkley. It was merely that I fancied I felt something nibbling at my left shoulder blade." "
You've had quite a night, haven't you ? " " A truly terrible night. I shall not readily recover a normal tranquillity of mind. My pulse is still high, and I do not like the way my heart is beating. However, by a merciful good fortune, all has ended well. You will be able to give me the shelter I so sorely need in your cottage. And there with the assistance of a little soap and water I shall be able to wash off this distasteful blacking." I saw that this was where I had to start breaking things gently to him. " You can't get that stuff off with soap and water. I've tried. You have to have butter." " The point strikes me as immaterial. You can provide butter, no doubt ? " " Sorry. No butter."
" There must be butter in your cottage." " There isn't. And why ?
Because there isn't a cottage." " I cannot understand you." " It's burned down." " What ? " "Yes. Brinkley did it." " Good God I " " A nuisance in many ways, I must confess." He was silent for a space.
Turning the thing over in his mind. Looking at it from this angle and that. " Your cottage is really burned down ? " " Heap of ashes." " Then what is to be done ? " It seemed time to point out the silver lining. "
