‘When you lived with me I wasn’t altogether certain about things. There were times I doubted my sanity and your doubts, your accusations, affected me more than I let on. Had you stayed, I might well have fled with you, because I was having a crisis of faith. I questioned the dragon’s reality and, in moments during which I was satisfied that he did exist and was not simply a function of my madness, I questioned his plan. Getting involved with the PVO was the antithesis of what I wanted for myself, for the country. After you left, however, my communication with the dragon sharpened. Previously I went into that little bone chamber, I went to sleep and emerged with vague messages. Now those messages came into my head while I was awake and were more defined. I could sense their flavor and configuration. It became evident that the PVO was only a step in Griaule’s plan. They would protect the dragon reborn until he no longer needed them. For a while I believed he had brought you and me together for some purpose. To test my faith, perhaps. But I know now that was a conceit. Disembodied, his will was weak and he required years to shape people to his purposes. I overestimated his influence where we were concerned.
‘Along with sharpened communication I experienced painful side effects that limited my mobility. Before long I was unable to venture into the city and I concentrated my efforts on the adherents, lecturing them on my enhanced appreciation of the dragon’s nature, counseling them and presiding over events like the one that frightened you away. You had a right to be afraid, as it turned out, but after each of them I felt enraptured, understanding that someday they would result in the achievement of our goal. We had additions to our community, and subtractions. Colonel de Lugo died, but not before he recruited his replacement. That was the way of it. Some left, others arrived, and little by little we approached the right mix of people that would enable the miracle to occur. I became so involved with the dragon, I was scarcely aware of my own life. One morning I woke to the knowledge that this would be the day. Everything was so sharp, so clear. I knew precisely what to do. From the first moment when the dragon touched my mind, I recognized that I would be the instrument of his renewal, but not until then did I fully comprehend the nature of that renewal, the act of transubstantiation it demanded. In this regard, the adherents had been closer to the truth than I. He may have whispered a promise to them, a guarantee that they would live on in him, and for all I know they do live on. But he made no such promise to me and I thought I was to die that morning.
