The Early Ayn Rand полностью

[The fireworks are now forming letters, high over the lake, taking shape gradually, one tiny dot of light after another. The letters spell out: "GOD BLESS..."]

ADRIENNE: I've got to find Walter!

FLASH: Miss Knowland! Don't! Mr. Breckenridge will be angry!

[ADRIENNE rushes out and disappears Left into the garden. The fireworks continue to spell: "GOD BLESS AMER..." Then, suddenly, the last dot of light flashes on with a jerk, spreads out, the letters tremble, smear, and vanish altogether. There is nothing but darkness and silence]

Well!... what's the matter?... What happened?... [They wait. Nothing happens] Well, I guess maybe the invention's not right yet. Something's gone screwy there. Maybe the great discovery's not so perfect...

BILLY: It will start again in a minute.

FLASH: Maybe the old-fashioned way is best. [They wait. Nothing happens] Say, Bill. What's the matter with everybody in this house?

BILLY: Nothing.

FLASH: I can't figure it out. You're the nicest people I ever lived with. But there's something wrong. Very wrong.

BILLY: Skip it, Flash.

FLASH: Now take you, for instance. That operation. You wanted it pretty badly?

BILLY: I guess maybe I did... I don't know... I don't know how it really feels to want things. I've been trying to learn not to.

FLASH: Bill, what do you want most in the world?

BILLY: I?... [Thinks for a moment, then:] I guess... I guess to get a glass of water.

FLASH: What? Want me to get you a drink?

BILLY: No. You don't understand. To get a glass of water myself. [FLASH stares at him] You see what I mean? To get thirsty and not to have to tell anybody about it, but to walk down to the kitchen, and turn the faucet, and fill a glass, and drink it. Not to need anybody, not to thank anybody, not to ask for it. To get it. Flash. You don't know how important it is not to need anybody.

FLASH: But people want to help you.

BILLY: Flash, when it's everything, all the time, everything I do... I can't be thirsty alone, without telling somebody. I can't be hungry alone. I'm not a person. I'm only something being helped... If I could stand up just once stand up on my own feet and tell them all to go to hell! Oh, Flash, I wouldn't tell them to! But just to know that I could! Just once!

FLASH: Well, what for, if you wouldn't? You don't make sense. People are very kind to you and — [There is the sound of a distant explosion in the garden] There! There it goes again! [Looks out. There is nothing but darkness] No. Guess it was a dud.

BILLY: They're kind to me. It's such a horrible thing that sort of kindness. Sometimes I want to be nasty just to have somebody snap at me. But they won't. They don't respect me enough to get angry. I'm not important enough to resent. I'm only something to be kind to.

FLASH: Listen, how about that glass of water? Do you want me to get it or don't you?

BILLY: [His head dropping, his voice dull] Yes. Get me a glass of water.

FLASH: Look, water's not good for you. How about my fixing you some nice hot chocolate and a little toast?

BILLY: Yes.

FLASH: That's what I said: nobody ate anything tonight. All that grand dinner going to waste. It's a crazy house. [Turns at the door] Want the light on?

BILLY: No. [FLASH exits Right. BILLY sits alone for a moment, without moving, his head down. INGALLS enters from the garden]

INGALLS: Hello, Bill. What are you doing here alone in the dark? [Switches the light on] The fireworks over?

BILLY: Something went wrong. They stopped.

INGALLS: Oh? Where's Walter?

BILLY: Fixing it, I guess. He hasn't come back. [As INGALLS turns to the stairs] Steve.

INGALLS: Yes?

BILLY: Steve, do you know why I like you?... Because you've never been kind to me.

INGALLS: But I want to be kind to you, kid.

BILLY: That's not what I mean. You couldn't be what... what I'm talking about. I mean, people who use kindness like some sort of weapon... Steve! It's a horrible weapon. I think it's worse than poison gas. It gets in deeper, it hurts more, and there's no gas mask to wear against it. Because people would say you're wicked to want such a mask.