‘Because the law has robbed me of all hope of making anything other of my life. God forgive me, Katherine—but I should never have taken you to my bed so thoughtlessly.’
‘I thank God that you did.’ My mind was already racing along, abandoning this Welsh hero Glyn Dwr and my lover’s pride. One thought—one thought alone—clung with sharp claws. ‘You say that you are without any means at all.’
‘Exactly that. Do you know what you pay me?’
‘No.’
‘Forty pounds a year. And the provision of clothing so that I might make a good impression on your guests. That would be the value of your husband, Katherine. It is not to be thought of.’
‘I think it is perfect. The perfect choice for me.’
‘It is a travesty.’
This time it was I who called a halt by the simple expedient of stepping forward two paces and placing my fingers across his lips.
‘Any man who risks marriage with me will suffer the confiscation of everything he owns. No man of wealth or land will look at me. But you do.’ I smiled at him, willing him to understand. ‘You look at me and you have nothing to be stripped from you. You have nothing. You cannot be punished.’ I held out my hands to him, my mind suddenly full of the possibilities. If only I could persuade this obstinate man. ‘Do you not see, Owen? There will be no retribution, because you have nothing.’
He did not respond enough to take my hands, but I watched as he followed my line of argument.
‘I cannot do it, Katherine.’
‘Why not? I love you. We have made a child together. Here we have a chance of being together. The only reason I can see for you not wanting me is if you do not love me enough. And if that is so, then you must tell me now.’
I waited, my heart in my mouth. I had not considered that, faced with marriage, he might retract his words of commitment to me. Had I misread the depths of his love?
‘If you wait before you tell me,’ I warned him, ‘it will break my heart so much more. Do you not love me, Owen? Was this idyll merely a product of lust on your part? I can accept that but I won’t accept that your pride should stand between us.’
No, I could not accept it at all.
‘Lust? By the Rood, Katherine! Is that what you think of me?’
‘I might, unless you tell me otherwise.’
Still I waited. The decision was his and he must make it alone. At last the air moved between us, and Owen took my hands lightly in his, breathing deeply to disperse his wrath.
‘You know that I love you,’ he stated, every contour of his face finely etched in the strange glimmering light. ‘You are with me until I fall asleep. While I sleep you never leave me. And when I awake I see your face in my mind before even I see the light of day.’ His lips curved a little. ‘You are a surprisingly calculating woman, Katherine.’
‘No, I am not,’ I said seriously. ‘But I have learned that I must fight for what I want. And I want this so much. If I have to be calculating and wilful and manipulative, then I will. Wed me, Owen. Give my child your name, as he deserves.’
‘Gloucester might punish you. Have you thought about that?’
‘I have. We might both be punished. But if we are wed in the sight of God, what can Gloucester and the Council do to us? I defy Gloucester to make scandal where the Queen Dowager is concerned, and I think if I appealed to Bedford, he would not stand against us.’ Confidence blossomed as Owen finally drew me into his arms. He was still thinking, still stubborn, but I was now sure of my ground.
I spoke, my fingers spread wide on his breast. ‘If you do not marry me, Owen, they will make me take the veil and my child—our child—will be taken from me.’ And I used the last weapon in my armoury. ‘I don’t think I could forgive you if you allowed your pride to enclose me in a nunnery for the rest of my life and cause our child to be brought up without knowledge of either of us.’
His mouth twisted in bitter self-deprecation. ‘Who am I but a disenfranchised Welshman, beaten and despised by his English victors? Who am I to wed a Queen?’
I did not understand ‘disenfranchised’ so ignored it. ‘A Queen who has never known love. If you love me, you will wed me.’
The planes of his face flattened in near despair. ‘Oh, Katherine! Unfair!’
‘I know. I’m fighting hard.’
‘I don’t like it,’ he murmured, his breath stirring my hair. ‘King’s daughter weds landless servant.’
‘But I do. Lonely widow weds the man she loves.’
‘Beautiful widow of the victor of Agincourt weds disenfranchised commoner.’
‘Abandoned widow weds the only man she has ever loved.’ How assured I was.
Still he resisted. ‘Queen Dowager weds the Master of her Household.’
I pressed my forehead against his chest. How many objections could he find?
‘Katherine weds the man who owns her heart.’ I sighed. And when he finally kissed me: ‘If you will not,’ I warned against his mouth, ‘then I will remain alone, unloved and unwanted, for ever.’
‘That must never be.’ Still I waited. ‘You are so very precious to me,’ he whispered.
‘Then, for God’s sake, wed me!’
