The Garlic Ballads полностью

“Director,” Number One said, “we want you to divide it up.”

So Gao Jinjiao began. “You have a four-room house. One for each brother, two for Fourth Aunt. When she dies — I don’t mean to make you feel bad, Fourth Aunt, but the truth isn’t always pleasant — each of you gets one of her rooms. Since one is larger than the other, the smaller one includes the gate and the arch above it. The kitchen utensils will be divided into three portions; then you’ll draw lots to see who gets which portion. Damages for Fourth Uncle and the cow came to three thousand six hundred yuan, which divides out to twelve hundred apiece. There is thirteen hundred yuan in the bank, so each son gets four hundred, Fourth Aunt gets five. When Gao Ma hands over the ten thousand, half will go to Fourth Aunt, the other half will be divided equally between the two brothers. When Jinju marries, Fourth Aunt will be responsible for the dowry. You boys are welcome to help out, but no one’s forcing you to. Your grain stores will be divided into three and a half portions, with Jinju getting the half-portion. When Fourth Aunt gets ‘ to the age where she can’t take care of herself, you boys will take turns caring for her, alternating every month or every year, however you want to work it out. That’s about it. Have I forgotten anything?”

“What about the garlic?” Elder Brother asked.

“Divide that into three portions as well,” Gao Jinjiao replied. “But is Fourth Aunt able to go to market and sell her share of the garlic at her age? Number One, why not add her share to yours, and you sell it at the market, then divide the profits?”

“Director, with this leg of mine

Okay, then, how about you, Number Two?”

“If he won’t do it, I’ll be damned if I will!”

“This is your mother we’re talking about, not some total stranger.”

“I don’t need their help. I’ll sell it myself!” Fourth Aunt proclaimed.

“That settles it,” Number Two said.

“Anything else?” Gao Jinjiao asked.

Number One said, “I recall he had a new jacket.”

“Nothing gets past you, does it, you little bastard?” Fourth Aunt snapped at her son. ‘That jacket’s for me.”

“Remember the saying,” Number One protested. “ ‘Father’s jacket, Mother’s bindings, next generation riches finding.’ Why do you want to keep his jacket?”

“Since we’re dividing things up, let’s do it right,” Number Two remarked.

“Majority rules,” Gao Jinjiao declared. “You’d better bring it out, Fourth Aunt.”

She opened the beat-up old chest and took out the jacket.

“Brother,” Number One said, “now that we’ve divided up all the family property, my bachelorhood is settled once and for all. Since you can easily find a wife, I should get the jacket.”

“Dear Brother,” Number Two replied, “I can eat shit, I just don’t like the taste. Since we’re dividing the family property, we have to be fair. No one should do better than anyone else.”

One jacket, and both of you want it,” Gao Jinjiao commented. “Any ideas? Except for cutting it in two, that is.”

“Then cut it in two if that’s the only way,” Number Two demanded. Picking the jacket up, he draped it over a wood stump, went inside for his cleaver, and split the jacket right down the middle seam, as Fourth Aunt looked on and cried her eyes out. Then, gritting his teeth with the fire of determination in his eyes, he picked up the two* halves and tossed one to his brother. “Half for you and half for me,” he said. “We’re even.”

A sneering Jinju picked up a pair of worn-out shoes. “These were Father’s. One for you and one for you!”—and she flung a single shoe at each of her brothers.

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