"Do they pass on?" Dua was suddenly interested. She always thought they were immortal somehow; that they weren't born; that they didn't die. Who had ever seen a baby Hard One, for instance? They didn't have babies. They didn't melt. They didn't eat.
Odeen said, thoughtfully, "I imagine they pass on. They never talk about themselves to me. I'm not even sure how they eat, but of course they must. And be born. There's a new one, for instance; I haven't seen him yet- But never mind that. The point is that they've been developing an artificial food-"
"I know," said Dua. "I've tasted it."
"You have? I didn't know that!"
"A bunch of the Emotionals talked about it They said a Hard One was asking for volunteers to taste it and the sillies were all afraid. They said it would probably turn them permanently hard and they would never be able to melt again."
"That's foolish," said Odeen, vehemently.
"I know. So I volunteered. That shut them up. They are so hard to endure, Odeen."
"How was it?"
"Horrible," said Dua, vehemently. "Harsh and bitter. Of course I didn't tell the other Emotionals that."
Odeen said, "I tasted it. It wasn't that bad."
"Rationals and Parentals don't care what food tastes like."
But Odeen said, "It's still only experimental. They're working hard on improvements, the Hard Ones are. Especially Estwald-that's the one I mentioned before, the new one I haven't seen-he's working on it. Losten speaks of him now and then as though he's something special; a very great scientist."
"How is it you've never seen him?"
"I'm just a Soft One. You don't suppose they show me and tell me everything, do you? Someday I'll see him, I suppose. He's developed a new energy-source which may save us all yet-"
"I don't want artificial food," said Dua, and she had left Odeen abruptly.
That had been not so long ago, and Odeen had not mentioned this Estwald again, but she knew he would, and she brooded about it up here in the Sunset.
She had seen that artificial food that once; a glowing sphere of light, like a tiny Sun, in a special cavern set up by the Hard Ones. She could taste its bitterness yet.
Would they improve it? Would they make it taste better? Even delicious? And would she have to eat it then and fill herself with it till the full sensation gave her an almost uncontrollable desire to melt?
She feared that self-generating desire. It was different when the desire came through the hectic combined stimulation of left-ling and right-ling. It was the self-generation that meant she would be ripe to bring about the initiation of a little-mid. And-and she didn't want to!
It was a long time before she would admit the truth to herself. She didn't ^want to initiate an Emotional! It was after the three children were all born that the time would inevitably come to pass on, and she didn't want to. She remembered the day her Parental had left her forever, and it was never going to be like that for her. Of that she was fiercely determined
The other Emotionals didn't care because they were too empty to think about it, but she was different. She was queer Dua, the Left-Em; that was what they had called her; and she would be different. As long as she didn't have that third child, she would not pass on; she would continue to live,
So she wasn't going to have that third child. Never. Never!
But how was she going to stave it off? And how would she keep Odeen from finding out? What if Odeen found out?
Odeen waited for Tritt to do something. He was reasonably sure that Tritt would not actually go up to the surface after Dua. It would mean leaving the children and that was always hard for Tritt to do. Tritt waited, without speaking for a while, and when he left, it was in the direction of the children's alcove.
Odeen was almost glad when Tritt left. Not quite, of course, for Tritt had been angry and withdrawn so that interpersonal contact had weakened and the barrier of displeasure had arisen. Odeen could not help but be melancholy at that. It was like the slowing of the life-pulse. He sometimes wondered if Tritt felt it, too… No, that was unfair. Tritt had the special relationship with the children.
And as for Dua, who could tell what Dua felt? Who could tell what any Emotional felt? They were so different they made left and right seem alike in everything but mind. But even allowing for the erratic way of Emotionals, who could tell what Dua-especially Dua-felt?
That was why Odeen managed to be almost glad when Tritt left, for Dua was the question. The delay in initiating the third child was indeed becoming too long and Dua was growing less amenable to persuasion, not more. There was a growing restlessness in Odeen himself, that he could not quite identify, and it was something he would have to discuss with Losten.
