She had felt that for a long time, ever since she was little in fact, and had given up trying to pretend it wasn't so. Emotionals weren't supposed to feel such attractions. Sometimes little Emotionals did-Dua was old enough and experienced enough to know that-but this quickly faded or they were quickly discouraged if it didn't fade quickly enough.
When she herself had been a child, though, she had continued stubbornly curious about the world, and the Sun, and the caverns, and-anything at all-till her Parental would say, "You're a queer one, Dua, dear. You're a funny little midling. What will become of you?"
She hadn't the vaguest notion at first of what was so queer and so funny about wanting to know. She found, quickly enough, that her Parental could not answer her questions. She once tried her left-father, but he showed none of her Parental’s soft puzzlement. He snapped, "Why do you ask, Dua?" and his look seemed harshly inquiring.
She ran away, frightened, and did not ask him again.
But then one day another Emotional of her own age had shrieked "Left-Em" at her after she had said-she no longer remembered-it had been something that had seemed natural to her at the time. Dua had been abashed without knowing why and had asked her considerably older left-brother, what a Left-Em was. He had withdrawn, embarrassed-clearly embarrassed-mumbling, "I don't know," when it was obvious he did.
After some thought, she went to her Parental and said, "Am I a Left-Em, Daddy?"
And he had said, "Who called you that, Dua? You must not repeat such words."
She flowed herself about his near corner, thought about it awhile, and said, "Is it bad?"
He said, "You'll grow out of it," and let himself bulge a bit to make her swing outward and vibrate in the game she had always loved. She somehow didn't love it now, for it was quite clear that he hadn't answered her, really. She moved away thoughtfully. He had said, "You'll grow out of it," so she was in it now, but in what?
Even then, she had had few real Mends among the other Emotionals. They liked to whisper and giggle together, but she preferred flowing over the crumbled rocks and enjoying the sensation of their roughness. There were, however, some raids who were more friendly than others and whom she found less provoking. There was Doral, who was as silly as the rest, really, but who would sometimes chatter amusingly. (Doral had grown up to join a triad with Dua's right-brother and a young left from another cavern complex, a left whom Dua did not particularly like. Doral had then gone on to initiate a baby-left, a baby-right, in rapid succession, and a baby-mid not too long after that. She had also grown so dense that the triad looked as though it had two Parentals and Dua wondered if they could still melt… Just the same Tritt was always telling her, pointedly, what a good triad Doral helped make up.)
She and Doral had sat alone one day and Dua had whispered, "Doral, do you know what a Left-Em is?"
And Doral had tittered and compressed herself, as though to avoid being seen, and had said, "It's an Emotional that acts like a Rational; you know, like a left. Get it! Left-Emotional-Left-Em! Get it!"
Of course Dua "got" the phrase. It was obvious once explained. She would have seen it for herself at once if she had been able to bring herself to imagine such a state of affairs.
Dua said, "How do you know?"
"The older girls told me." Doral's substance swirled and Dua found the motion unpleasant. "It's dirty," Doral said.
"Why?" asked Dua.
"Because it's dirty. Emotionals shouldn't act like Rationals."
Dua had never thought about the possibility, but now she did. She said, "Why shouldn't they?"
"Because! You want to know something else that's dirty?"
Dua couldn't help being intrigued. "What?"
Doral didn't say anything, but a portion of herself expanded suddenly and brushed against the unsuspecting Dua before the latter could concavize. Dua didn't like it She shrank away and said, "Don't do that."
"You know what else is dirty? You can go into a rock."
"No, you can't," said Dua. It had been a silly thing to say for Dua had often moved through the outer surface of the rock and liked it. But now in the context of Doral’s snickering, she felt revolted and denied -the whole thing, even to herself.
"Yes, you can. It's called rock-rubbing. Emotionals can do it easy. Lefts and rights can only do it as babies. When they grow up, they do it with each other."
"I don't believe you. You're making it up."
"They do, I tell you. Do you know Dimit?"
"No."
"Sure you do. She's the girl with the thick corner from Cavern c."
"Is she the one who flows funny?"
"Yes. On account of the thick corner. That's the one. She got into a rock all the way once-except for the thick corner. She let her left-brother watch her do it and he told their Parental and what she got for that. She never did it
Dua left then, quite upset. She didn't talk to Doral again for a long time, and never really grew friendly again, and yet her curiosity had been aroused.
