“Well, yes,” Daniel said. “So I imagine. I think that was a good choice. I’ve never understood the logic behind paying a stranger of undetermined intelligence to listen to your troubles; surely that’s why one has friends. If you do want to talk about it, all of us are-”
“Holy Jesus Christ almighty,” Rafe said, his voice rising. He slapped his cards down on the table, hard, and shoved them away. “Someone pass me a sick bag. Oh, I validate your feelings, let’s all talk about this-Did I miss something? Did we move to fucking California and no one told me?”
“What the hell is your problem?” Justin demanded, in a vicious undertone.
“I don’t like touchy-feely bollocks. Lexie’s fine. She said so. Is there any particular reason why we can’t all just bloody leave it alone?”
I was sitting up by now; Daniel had put his book down. “That’s hardly your decision,” Justin said.
“If I’m going to have to listen to this crap, then yes, it bloody well is my decision. I fold. Justin, it’s all yours. Deal, Abby.” Rafe reached across Justin for the wine bottle.
“Speaking of using vices to release tension,” Abby said coolly, “don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink for one night?”
“Actually,” Rafe told her, “I don’t think so, no.” He filled his glass, so high that a drop sloshed over the edge onto the table. “And I don’t recall asking for your advice. Deal the fucking cards.”
“You’re drunk,” Daniel said coldly. “And you’re becoming obnoxious.”
Rafe whipped round on him; his hand was gripping the top of the glass and for a second I thought he was going to throw it. “Yes,” he said, low and dangerous, “I am in fact drunk. And I intend to get a whole lot drunker. Do you want to talk about it, Daniel? Is that what you want? Would you like us all to have a talk?”
There was something in his voice, something precarious as the smell of petrol, ready and waiting to ignite at the first spark. “I don’t see any point in discussing anything with someone in your condition,” Daniel said. “Pull yourself together, have some coffee and stop acting like a spoiled toddler.” He picked up his book again and turned away from the others. I was the only one who could see his face. It was perfectly calm, but his eyes weren’t moving: he wasn’t reading a word.
Even I could tell that he was handling this all wrong. Once Rafe had worked himself into one of his moods, he didn’t know how to snap back out of it. What he wanted was someone to do it for him, change the note in the room to silliness or peace or practicality so he could follow. Trying to bully him was only going to make him worse, and the fact that Daniel had made such an uncharacteristic mistake sent a jab through the back of my mind: amazement and something else, something like fear or excitement. I could have settled Rafe down in seconds (Oo, do you think I have PTSD? Like Vietnam vets? Someone yell “Grenade” and see if I dive…) and I almost did, it took an effort of will to stop myself; but I needed to see how this played out.
Rafe caught his breath as if he was about to say something, but then he changed his mind, gave a disgusted head-shake and shoved his chair back hard. He grabbed his glass in one hand and the bottle in the other and stalked out. A moment later his door slammed.
“What the hell?” I said, after a moment. “I’m gonna go see that shrink after all and tell him I’m living with total loopers.”
“Don’t you start,” Justin said. “Just don’t.” His voice was shaking.
Abby put the cards down, stood up, pushed her chair in carefully and left the room. Daniel didn’t move. I heard Justin knock something over and swear viciously under his breath, but I didn’t look up.
Breakfast was quiet, the next morning, and not in a good way. Justin was pointedly not speaking to me. Abby moved around the kitchen with a tiny worried furrow between her eyebrows, till we finished washing up and she prised Rafe out of his room and the three of them left for college.
Daniel sat at the table and gazed out of the window, wrapped in some private haze, while I dried the dishes and put them away. Finally he stirred, caught a deep breath: “Right,” he said, blinking bemusedly at the cigarette burned away between his fingers. “We’d better get moving.”
He didn’t say a word on the drive to the hospital, either. “Thanks,” I said, as I got out of the car.
“Of course,” he said absently. “Do ring me if there’s anything wrong, not that I think there will be, or if you change your mind about having someone with you.” He waved, over his shoulder, as he drove away.
