“What about Josh?” he croaked. “Go ask him.”
“He’s got another project.” Janet rolled her eyes. “He thinks he can use the Neitherlands to get to Middle-earth. He honestly believes he’s going to bone an elf.”
“I thought about being a queen,” Eliot added. “Turns out they’re very open-minded about that kind of thing in Fillory. But at the end of the day rules is rules.”
Quentin put down his coffee. It had been a long time since he’d experienced any emotion at all other than sadness and shame and numbness, so long that for a moment he didn’t understand what was happening inside him. In spite of himself he felt sensation coming back to some part of him that he’d thought was dead forever. It hurt. But at the same time he wanted more of it.
“Why are you doing this?” Quentin asked slowly, carefully. He needed to be clear. “After what happened to Alice? Why would you go back there? And why would you want me with you? You’re only going to make it worse.”
“What, worse than this?” Eliot asked. He tilted his chin to indicate Quentin’s office.
“We all knew what we were doing,” Janet said. “You knew it, we knew it. Alice certainly knew it. We made our choices, Q. And what’s going to happen? Your hair’s already white. You can’t look any weirder than you already do.”
Quentin swiveled around to face them in his ergonomic desk chair. His heart felt like it was burning with relief and regret, the emotions melting and running together and turning into bright, hot, white light.
“The thing is,” he said. “I’d hate to cut out right before bonus season.”
“Come on, Quentin. It’s over. You’ve done your time.” Janet’s smile had a warmth in it that he’d never seen before, or maybe he’d just never noticed it. “Everybody’s forgiven you but you. And you are
“You might be surprised about that.”
Quentin picked up the blue stone ball and studied it.
“So,” he said, “I’m gone for five minutes and you have to bring in a hedge witch?”
Eliot shrugged.
“She’s got chops.”
“Fuck you,” said Julia.
Quentin sighed. He unkinked his neck and stood up.
“Did you really have to break my window?”
“No,” Eliot said. “Not really.”
Quentin walked to the floor’s edge. Sprays of smashed window glass crunched on the carpet under his fancy leather shoes. He ducked under the broken blinds. It was a long way down. He hadn’t done this for a while.
Loosening his tie with one hand, Quentin stepped out into the cold clear winter air and flew.
