“And to complicate matters further at my end, my kids just met Maggie this weekend, and they were crazy about her. To tell you the truth, Charlie, I hate to piss her off.” More than that, he hated to hurt her, and this would. A lot.
“What are you saying? That you can't come?” Charlie was shocked.
“I don't know. Maybe times have changed. For both of us. Me, in any case.” He wasn't sure how committed to Carole Charlie was at this point. It was hard to tell. And he suspected Charlie wasn't sure himself. He and Maggie were living together and further along.
“Let me think about it. I'll call you back.”
“Call me on my cell phone. I'll be out at meetings all afternoon. Believe it or not, all joking aside, I actually do have to bail one of my clients out of jail.”
“Lucky you! I'll get back to you,” Charlie said, and hung up.
It was nearly five o'clock when Charlie got back to Adam, and both men sounded strained. Adam had had a nightmarish afternoon, juggling both client and press. And Charlie was trying to chase elephants off his desk at year end. But beyond that, he was worried about Carole. He had paid close attention to what Adam said. Times had changed. And if he wanted more than he'd had in his life until then, he had to change too. He felt like he was leaping off a cliff. Hopefully, not into cement. That remained to be seen.
“Okay,” Charlie said, as though he were about to suggest they both jump out of a plane without parachutes. “Let's do it.”
“Do what?” Adam sounded confused, and there was a lot of noise where he was. He was still at the jail, trying to keep the press at bay. It sounded like the birdhouse at the zoo. “Why don't you bring Maggie to the boat? I like her. You love her. She loves you. We'll have fun. What the hell. Your relationship may not survive if you don't.” He didn't want to be responsible for that. He could tell that Adam had his back to the wall, and maybe even wanted her along. “If you want to bring her, you can. It's up to you. I'm inviting Carole too.”
“Charlie, you're a hero.” Adam hadn't wanted to ask him, but he wanted to bring her. “You're a prince. I'll tell her tonight. What about you?”
“I'm probably crazy, and I'm not sure we're there yet, either of us. But I'm going to invite Carole too. I would have liked it better if she could let me do this. But if she can't, or she doesn't, I think it will be a big loss for me. Maybe bigger than I think.” They had invested something in the relationship, honesty, truth, courage, love, hope, and he wasn't willing to cash it in. Not yet. And leaving her over the holidays might force him to, whether he liked it or not.
“Holy shit,” Adam said, laughing. “What's happening to us?”
“I'm afraid to think,” Charlie said wanly.
“Yeah, me too. Scary stuff, bro. But you're a real mensch to do this. At least we won't have to worry about getting laid, or depend on the natives for help.”
“I'm not sure I would say that to Maggie if I were you.” Charlie laughed.
“No shit. When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Have a good trip. I'll see you on the twenty-sixth.
“I will. Thanks,” Charlie said.
“No, thank
They hung up then, and Charlie sat staring into space for a minute. Adam was right. Times had changed.
Charlie left his office at five-thirty, took a cab to the center, and got there at six, just as Carole was closing her office. She was surprised to see him, and wondered if something was wrong. Something else. There was a lot wrong lately. Christmas. New Year. Him away for three weeks. It had put a damper on her holidays. He hadn't even seen her tree.
“Hi, Charlie. What's up?” She looked tired. It had been a long day.
“I came to say good-bye,” he said as he walked in.
“When are you going?”
“Tomorrow.” She nodded. What else was there to say? She knew it would be over by the time he returned. For her anyway, if not for him. She felt as strongly about this as he had about her lying about her name. If you were in a relationship, as far as she was concerned, you spent the holidays together. He didn't see it that way. They didn't even exist for him. And maybe neither did she. She needed someone emotionally available, not someone who couldn't allow himself to feel anything, because it hurt too much. Life hurt too much, but was to be lived. Together, hopefully.
“Have a good trip,” she said, as she stuck a fat file into a drawer.
“You too,” he said quietly.
“Me too what?” She didn't get his drift. She was too tired to play games with him.
“You have a good trip too.”
“I'm not going anywhere.” She stood up straight and looked at him.
“Yes, you are, or at least I hope you are … or I hope you will.…” He stumbled over his own words as she stared at him. “If you're willing, I'd love you to come down with Adam and Maggie on the twenty-sixth. He's flying down then. And he's bringing her. We worked it out today.”
