"So where are all the jokes?" she asked.
"Jokes?"
"Sheryl said you're full of jokes."
"No, Sheryl didn't say that."
"I thought she said…"
"I'm sure she didn't."
A mistake? No. Back off a bit, anyway.
"She said she'd settle for ten bucks, sit here with you, let you tell her some more jokes…"
"Oh. Yeah."
"So let me hear one."
"I'd rather talk about you right now."
"Sure," Eileen said.
" 'Cause I find that fun, you know. Learning about other people, finding out what makes them tick."
"You sound like a shrink," she said.
"Well, my father's a shrink."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Practices in L.A. Lots of customers out there. You know what L.A. stands for?"
"What?"
"Lunatic Asylum."
"I've never been there, so I wouldn't…"
"Take my word for it. Every variety of nut in the—do you know the one about the guy who goes into a nut shop?"
"No."
"He stutters badly, he says to the clerk, 'I'd I-I-like to b-b-buy a p-p-pound of n-n-nuts.' The clerk says, 'Yes, sir, we have some very nice Brazil nuts at three dollars a pound.' The guy says, 'N-n-no, that's t-t-too high.' So the clerk says, 'I've also got some nice almonds at two dollars a pound.' The guy says, 'N-n-no, that's t-t-too high, t-t-too.' So the clerk says, 'I've got some peanuts at a dollar a pound,' and the guys says, 'F-f-fine.' The clerk weighs out the peanuts, puts them in a bag, and the guy pays for them. The guy says, 'Th-thank you, and I also w-w-want to th-thank you for n-n-not m-m-mentioning m-m-my im-p-p-pedi-ment.' The clerk says, 'That's quite all right, sir, and I want to thank you for not mentioning my deformity.' The guy says, 'Wh-what d-d-deformity?' The clerk says, 'Well, I have a very large nose.' The guy says, 'Oh, is that your n-n-nose? Your n-n-nuts are so high, I th-thought it was your p-p-pecker.'"
Eileen burst out laughing.
The laughter was genuine.
For the briefest tick of time she forgot that she was sitting here at the bar with a man she felt reasonably certain had killed three women and would do his best to kill her as well if she gave him the slightest opportunity.
The laughter surprised her.
She had not laughed this heartily in a long time. She had not laughed since the night Arthur Haines slashed her cheek and forced himself upon her.
She could not stop laughing.
She wondered all at once if the laughter was merely a release of nervous tension.
But she kept laughing.
Tears were rolling down her cheeks.
She reached into her bag for a tissue, felt under the silk scarf, touched the butt of the .44, and suddenly the laughter stopped.
Dabbing at her eyes, she said, "That was very funny."
"I'm going to enjoy you," he said, smiling, looking into her eyes. "You're going to be a good one."
Alice was telling him that a lot of men got turned on by midgets, did he realize that?
Parker realized it. She was a perfect little doll, blonde hair and blue eyes, beautifully formed breasts and well-shaped legs. She was wearing a green dress that hugged the womanly curves of her body, legs crossed, one foot jiggling in a high-heeled green slipper.
He said, "I read a lot of these men's magazines, you know…"
"Uh-huh," she said, nodding encouragement. Drink in her right hand, cigarette in her left.
"And there's all sorts' of letters from men who get turned on by all sorts of women."
"Uh-huh."
"Like, for example, there are many men who are sexually attracted to women with back problems."
"Back problems?" Alice said.
"Yes. Women who wear braces."
"I see," she said.
"And there are men who enjoy one-armed women."
"Uh-huh."
"Or even double amputees."
"Uh-huh."
"Or women who are color blind."
"Color blind, right."
"But I've never seen any letters from men who find
"Well, thank you," she said. "But that's what I was saying. A
"I can understand that."
"It's what's called the Snow White Syndrome."
"Is that what it's called?"
"Yes, because she was living with those seven dwarfs, you know."
"That's right, I never thought of that. I mean, if you look at it that way, it could be a dirty story, couldn't it?"
"Well, sure. Not that dwarfs are midgets."
"No, no. They
"No. Midgets are perfectly proportioned little people."
"You certainly are perfectly proportioned, Alice."
"Well, thank you. But my point is, with so many men being attracted to female midgets…"
"Uh-huh."
"You think you'd see midgets in ads and all."
"I never thought of it that way."
"I mean, wouldn't you like to see me modeling lingerie, for example?"
"Oh, I would."
"But instead, if you're a midget, you have to join a circus."
"I never thought of it that way," he said again.
"Have you ever seen a midget working as a clerk in a department store?"
"Never," he said.
"Do you know why?"
"Because you can't see over the counter?"
"Well, that's one reason, of course. But the main reason is there's a lingering prejudice against little people."
"I'll bet there is."
