‘No, she doesn’t, does she? She doesn’t. Well, I’ve been trying to address that. I had hoped that we’d have fun together this summer, our last summer, all of us together. I’d hoped to change her mind. Perhaps I tried too hard. I’ll find out soon enough. Anyway. I’m sorry for what I said to you. It’s not what I believe. Whatever I might have said, I’m very proud of you, though I might not show it, and I know that you’ll do great things in the future. You’re my boy, and I’d hate for you to go off into the world without knowing that we will miss you and will want you to be safe and happy and that we love you. Not just your mum, you know how much your mother loves you. But me too. I love you too, Albie. There. I think that’s really what I came to say. So now you can go. Do whatever you want, as long as it’s safe. I won’t follow you any more. I’ll just sit here for a while. Sit here and rest.’
Later that afternoon, we went to see
We found ourselves in front of
In a commuter café opposite the Atocha station we had
‘Where are you staying?’
‘I’m in this hostel.’
‘What’s it like?’
He shrugged. ‘It’s a hostel.’
‘I’ve never stayed in a hostel.’
‘What, a seasoned inter-railer like you?’
‘What’s it like?’
He laughed. ‘It’s grim. Hostile. It’s a hostile hostel.’
‘I have a suite in a hotel on the Gran Vía.’
‘A suite? What are you, some oligarch?’
‘I know. It’s all very sumptuous.’
‘I hope you’re not drinking from the mini-bar, Dad.’
‘Albie, I’m not
He paused to concentrate on wiping the sugar from his stubble beard. ‘Are you not eating your
I pushed the plate towards him. ‘How do you eat so much and stay so skinny?’
He rolled his bony shoulders and posted another doughnut into his mouth. ‘Nervous energy, I s’pose.’
‘Yes, I know something about that.’
We fetched his things and returned to the hotel late in the afternoon, and I lay on the bed while Albie showered for an absurdly long time. I had not checked my phone for twenty-four hours, and with some dread I turned it on to find a selection of texts from Connie, the impatience spiralling into irritation.
When are you home? Can’t wait to see you.
Information please. Are you alive?
Are you back today, tomorrow, ever?
Frantic here. Douglas, please just call.
There was a voicemail, too, from my sister, and I played it back with the phone some distance from my ear.
‘Why aren’t you answering your phone? You always answer your phone. Douglas, it’s Karen. What the hell is going on? Connie’s frantic. She says you’re wandering round Europe looking for Albie. She made me swear I wouldn’t tell you this but she thinks you’ve had some sort of nervous breakdown. Or a mid-life crisis. Or both!’ Karen sighed and I smiled. ‘Give it up, Douglas. Albie will come home when he wants to. Anyway, call me. Do it, D. That’s an order!’