Sonya had not been much in Nikolay’s mind of late, but he still felt a great wrench inside him when he heard this. Dolokhov was a good match for an orphan girl like Sonya, who had no dowry – in some ways a brilliant match. From the point of view of the countess and in the eyes of society there could no question of a refusal. And so Nikolay’s immediate reaction was to feel annoyed with Sonya. He worked himself up to say, ‘Oh splendid. Of course she’ll have to forget all those childish promises and accept,’ but before he could get the words out Natasha went on to say, ‘But can you imagine? She turned him down! Just like that! . . . She told him she’s in love with somebody else,’ she added after a brief pause.
‘Yes, my Sonya couldn’t have done anything else!’ thought Nikolay.
‘Mamma went on and on at her not to, but she turned him down, and I know she’s not going to change her mind, not if she said . . .’
‘Mamma begged her not to?’ Nikolay said reproachfully.
‘Yes,’ said Natasha. ‘Listen, darling Nikolay – don’t get angry with me – I know you’ll never marry her. Don’t ask me how I know – I just know for certain you’ll never marry her.’
‘You can’t possibly know that,’ said Nikolay, ‘but I must have a word with her. Oh, Sonya, she is lovely!’ he added with a smile.
‘Yes, she is! I’ll send her in.’ And Natasha gave her brother a kiss and ran off.
A minute later in came Sonya, looking scared, upset and guilty. Nikolay went over and kissed her hand. It was the first time since his return that they had been alone together and talked about love.
‘Sophie,’ he said to her, timidly at first but getting braver by the minute, ‘if you want to turn down a brilliant match, very much to your advantage . . . well, he’s a splendid fellow, thoroughly noble . . . he’s my friend . . .’ Sonya interrupted him.
‘I have turned him down,’ she blurted out.
‘If you are turning him down because of me, I’m afraid I . . .’
Again Sonya cut him short. She looked at him, anxious and imploring.
‘Please, Nikolay, don’t say that,’ she said.
‘No, I have to. Perhaps I’m being a bit conceited, but it’s better to have the whole thing out. If you’re turning him down because of me, I have to be honest with you. I do love you. I think I love you more than anyone in the world . . .’
‘That’s enough for me,’ said Sonya, beetroot-red.
‘No, but listen – I’ve been in love thousands of times, and I shall be again and again, though I could never feel the same kind of warmth and trust and love that I do towards you. Besides, I’m still a young man. And Mamma doesn’t want me to. Well . . . that’s it . . . I can’t promise you anything . . . Please think carefully about Dolokhov’s proposal,’ he said, not finding it easy to say the name of his friend.
‘Oh, don’t say that. I don’t want anything. I love you as a brother, and I always will, and I don’t need anything else.’
‘You’re an angel. I don’t deserve you. I’m just scared . . . I don’t want to deceive you.’ And Nikolay kissed her hand again.
CHAPTER 12
