Sonya goggled at Natasha as if she couldn’t believe her ears.
‘What about Bolkonsky?’ she said.
‘Oh, Sonya, oh, if you knew how happy I am!’ said Natasha. ‘You don’t know what love . . .’
‘But, Natasha, do you mean to say it’s all over?’
Natasha gazed wide-eyed at Sonya as if she didn’t understand the question.
‘Are you breaking it off with Prince Andrey, then?’ said Sonya.
‘Oh, you don’t understand. Don’t talk nonsense. Just listen,’ said Natasha, with a flash of irritation.
‘No, I don’t believe it,’ repeated Sonya. ‘I can’t understand you. Look, you’ve been in love with one man for a whole year, and now suddenly . . . I mean, you’ve only seen him three times, Natasha. I don’t believe it. This is some kind of joke. Three days, and you’ve forgotten everything, and . . .’
‘Three days,’ said Natasha. ‘I seem to have been in love with him for a hundred years. I’m sure I’ve never been in love before. You wouldn’t understand. Sonya. Wait a minute – come and sit here.’ Natasha hugged and kissed her. ‘I’ve heard it can happen this way – you probably have too – but this is the first time I’ve felt love like this. It’s not what I’ve felt before. The moment I set eyes on him, I knew he was my master and I was his slave, and I couldn’t help loving him. Yes, his slave! I’ll do whatever he commands. You wouldn’t understand. Well, what can I do? What
‘Well, stop and think what you’re doing,’ said Sonya. ‘I can’t leave things like this. These secret letters . . . How could you let him do all that?’ she said, with scarcely concealed horror and revulsion.
‘I’ve just told you,’ answered Natasha, ‘I have no will of my own. Can’t you get it into your head? I’m in love with him!’
‘Well, I can’t let it go on like this. I’m going to tell on you,’ cried Sonya, bursting into tears.
‘You what? For heaven’s sake . . . If you tell on me, we’re enemies,’ said Natasha. ‘You want me to be miserable. You want them to come between us . . .’
Seeing Natasha in such a state of alarm, Sonya wept tears of shame and sorrow for her friend.
‘But what’s happened between the two of you?’ she asked. ‘What’s he been saying to you? Why doesn’t he come to the house?’
Natasha ignored her.
‘For heaven’s sake, Sonya, don’t tell anybody. Don’t torment me,’ Natasha implored her. ‘Remember, you shouldn’t get mixed up in things like this. I’ve told you . . .’
‘But why all this secrecy? Why doesn’t he come to the house?’ Sonya persisted. ‘Why doesn’t he ask for your hand straight out? Look, Prince Andrey gave you a completely free hand in case this sort of thing . . . But I just can’t believe it. Natasha, have you thought about the
Natasha looked at Sonya in amazement. This was obviously the first time the question had occurred to her, and she didn’t know how to respond.
‘Well, I don’t know what the reasons are. But there must be some!’ Sonya sighed and shook her head distrustfully.
‘If there were any reasons . . .’ she started to say, but Natasha, anticipating her misgivings, interrupted in some alarm.
‘Sonya, you can’t start having doubts about him, you really can’t! Don’t you see that?’ she cried.
‘Does he love you?’
‘Does he love me?’ parroted Natasha, beaming indulgently at her friend’s obtuseness. ‘Well, you’ve read his letter, haven’t you? And you have seen him.’
‘But what if he’s a dishonourable man?’
‘
‘Well, if he’s not dishonourable, he ought to do one of two things – either say what his intentions are or stop seeing you. And if you won’t do it, I will. I’ll write to him. And I’ll tell your papa,’ said Sonya, full of determination.
‘But I can’t live without him!’ cried Natasha.
‘Natasha, I don’t understand you. What exactly are you saying? Think of your father. Think of Nikolay.’
‘I’m not bothered about anybody else. He’s the only one I love. How dare you call him dishonourable? Don’t you know I’m in love with him?’ cried Natasha. ‘Sonya, go away. I don’t want to quarrel with you. Go away, for heaven’s sake. Just go away. You can see how miserable I am,’ cried Natasha viciously, in a voice of barely controlled exasperation and near-despair. Sonya ran out of the room sobbing her heart out.
Natasha went over to the table and without a moment’s thought sat straight down and wrote the reply to Princess Marya that she hadn’t been able to write all morning. In the letter she told Princess Marya in a word or two that any misunderstandings between them were now at an end. She was going to take full advantage of Prince Andrey’s magnanimity in giving her complete freedom as they parted from each other. She asked her to forget everything and forgive her if she had anything to apologize for, but she couldn’t be his wife. Just for the moment everything seemed so easy, straightforward and clear-cut.
