The apparently undoable knot that had kept him tied down had been cut by Sonya’s letter, which was so unexpected and (Nikolay couldn’t help thinking) completely uncalled-for. She wrote that in view of their recent misfortunes, including the loss of almost all the Rostovs’ Moscow property, and the countess’s constantly reiterated longing for Nikolay to marry Princess Bolkonsky, as well as his silence and coldness of late, taking one thing with another she had decided to release him from his promise and set him completely free.
I couldn’t bear to think I might be the cause of any anguish or discord within the family which has shown me so much kindness [she wrote], the one aim of my affection being the happiness of those I love, and so, Nicolas, I beg you to consider yourself a free man, and to know that in spite of everything no one could love you more than
Your Sonya
Both letters had been sent from Troitsa. The other was from the countess. It contained a description of their last days in Moscow, the departure, the fire and the loss of all their property. Among other things the countess also mentioned that Prince Andrey had been in the convoy of wounded soldiers travelling with them. He was still in a critical condition, but the doctor now said that there was more hope. Sonya and Natasha were nursing him.
Next day Nikolay went to see Princess Marya, and took the letter with him. Neither of them uttered a word about the possible implications of the words, ‘Natasha is nursing him’,1 but this letter had the effect of suddenly bringing Nikolay and the princess into an intimate relationship since they were now virtually members of the same family.
Next day Rostov saw Princess Marya off on her journey to Yaroslavl, and a few days after that he set off himself to rejoin his regiment.
CHAPTER 8
Sonya’s letter to Nikolay that had answered his prayer had been written from Troitsa. This is how it came about. The old countess had become more and more obsessed with the idea of Nikolay marrying a wealthy heiress. She knew that Sonya was the biggest obstacle in the way of this. And in recent days, especially after Nikolay’s letter describing his meeting with Princess Marya at Bogucharovo, Sonya’s life had become more and more difficult in the countess’s house. The countess missed no opportunity for turning on Sonya with a cutting or humiliating remark.
But a few days before they set out from Moscow the countess, distressed and overwrought by everything that was going on, sent for Sonya, and instead of bullying and insisting she had begged her with tears in her eyes to repay everything they had ever done for her by making the sacrifice of breaking off her engagement to Nikolay.
‘I shan’t have a moment’s rest until you give me your word,’ she said.
Sonya sobbed hysterically and answered through her sobs that she would do anything, she was ready for anything, but she stopped short of giving an actual promise, and in her heart she couldn’t bring herself to do what they wanted. She was required to sacrifice herself for the happiness of the family that had nurtured her and brought her up. Making sacrifices for other people was Sonya’s way of life. Her position in the household was such that this was the only way for her to demonstrate her good qualities. She was used to making sacrifices and actually enjoyed it. But with every sacrifice she had had to make, until now she had been blissfully aware that it was raising her stock, in her own eyes and other people’s, and also making her a worthier match for Nikolay, whom she loved more than anything in life. But now things were different: it would mean giving up everything that made sacrifice itself worth while, and the meaning of her entire life. For the first time in her life she felt bitterness against the people who had done so much for her only to torture her more agonizingly: she envied Natasha, who had never had to go through anything like this, never been asked to make sacrifices of her own, only ever got other people to make sacrifices for her and ended up by being loved by everybody. And for the first time in her life Sonya could sense her pure and gentle love for Nikolay turning into a wild passion that rose above all principles, virtue and religion. And under pressure from this passion, Sonya, with a lifetime of dependence and dissembling behind her, knew instinctively how to fob off the countess with general comments and vague responses, and she also managed to avoid talking to her, but she was now determined to wait for a private meeting with Nikolay, when she would use the occasion not to set him free, but, the very opposite, to bind him to her for ever.
