Pierre had not noticed Natasha because he had never expected to see her here; but he had not recognised her because the change that had taken place in her since he had seen her was immense. She had grown thin and pale. But it was not that that made her unrecognisable. No one would have recognised her at the moment when he entered, because when he first glanced at her there was no trace of a smile in the eyes that in old days had always beamed with a suppressed smile of the joy of life. They were intent, kindly eyes, full of mournful inquiry, and nothing more.
Pierre’s embarrassment was not reflected in a corresponding embarrassment in Natasha, but only in a look of pleasure, that faintly lighted up her whole face.
XVI
‘She has come to stay with me,’ said Princess Marya. ‘The count and the countess will be here in a few days. The countess is in a terrible state. But Natasha herself had to see the doctors. They made her come away with me.’
‘Yes. Is there a family without its own sorrow?’ said Pierre, turning
t Natasha. ‘You know it happened the very day we were rescued. I sw him. What a splendid boy he was!’
Natasha looked at him, and, in answer to his words, her eyes only cened wider and grew brighter.
‘W'hat can one say, or think, to give comfort?’ said Pierre. ‘Nothing. Thy had he to die, such a noble boy, so full of life?’
‘Yes; in these days it would be hard to live without faith . . .’ said lincess Marya.
. ‘Yes, yes. That is true, indeed,’ Pierre put in hurriedly.
‘How so?’ Natasha asked, looking intently into Pierre’s eyes.
‘How so?’ said Princess Marya. ‘Why, only the thought of what traits . . .’
Natasha, not heeding Princess Marya’s words, looked again inquiringly || Pierre.
‘And because,’ Pierre went on, ‘only one who believes that there is a Mod guiding our lives can bear such a loss as hers, and . . . yours,’ said erre.
Natasha opened her mouth, as though she would say something, but j,ie suddenly stopped.
Pierre made haste to turn away from her, and to address Princess farya again with a question about the last days of his friend’s life, ferre’s embarrassment had by now almost disappeared, but at the same me he felt that all his former freedom had vanished too. He felt that lere was now a judge criticising every word, every action of his; a ldge whose verdict was of greater consequence to him than the verdict ■!: all the people in the world. As he talked now he was considering the apression his words were making on Natasha as he uttered them. He did at intentionally say what might please her; but whatever he said, he ioked at himself from her point of view.
With the unwillingness usual in such cases, Princess Marya began filing Pierre of the position in which she had found her brother. But ierre’s questions, his eagerly restless glance, his face quivering with notion, gradually induced her to go into details which she shrank, for er own sake, from recalling to her imagination.
‘Yes, yes, . . .’ said Pierre, bending forward over Princess Marya, nd eagerly drinking in her words. ‘Yes, yes. So he found peace? He was jftened? He was always striving with his whole soul for one thing only: ) be entirely good, so that he could not dread death. The defects that 'ere in him — if he had any—did not come from himself. So he was )ftened?” he said.
: ‘What a happy thing that he saw you again,’ he said to Natasha, jrning suddenly to her, and looking at her with eyes full of tears.
* Natasha’s face quivered. She frowned, and for an instant dropped her yes. For a moment she hesitated whether to speak or not to speak, i ‘Yes, it was a great happiness,’ she said in a low, deep voice; ‘for me : was certainly a great happiness.’ She paused. ‘And he ... he ... he old me he was longing for it the very moment I went in to him . . .’
1050 WAR AND PEACE
Natasha’s voice broke. She flushed, squeezed her hands against her kne and suddenly, with an evident effort to control herself, she lifted her he; and began speaking rapidly:
‘We knew nothing about it when we were leaving Moscow. I did n dare ask about him. And all at once Sonya told me he was with us. could think of nothing, I had no conception in what state he was; all wanted was to see him—to be with him,’ she said, trembling and break less. And not letting them interrupt her, she told all that she had nev spoken of to any one before; all she had gone through in those thri weeks of their journey and their stay in Yaroslavl.
Pierre heard her with parted lips and eyes full of tears fastened upc her. As he listened to her, he was not thinking of Prince Andrey, nor < death, nor of what she was saying. He heard her voice and only pitie her for the anguish she was feeling now in telling him.
The princess, frowning in the effort to restrain her tears, sat by N; tasha’s side and heard for the first time the story of those last days of ht brother’s and Natasha’s love.
To speak of that agonising and joyous time was evidently necessar to Natasha.
