"I mean, the last thing I wanted was to come between you and your backups. I know Annie Rawles," he said, turning back to Karin, "she's a good cop. And whereas this other guy . . ."
"Shanahan," Eileen said.
"Shanahan," he said, nodding to her in acknowledgement, "was a stranger to me . . ."
"Mike Shanahan."
"Which, by the way, is how the mixup came about. I didn't know him, he didn't know me …"
"I know," Eileen said.
"What I'm saying is I'd rather have cut off my right arm than put you in any kind of situation where you'd have to face down a killer."
The room went silent.
"I think Eileen knows that," Karin said.
"I hope so," Kling said.
"She also knows . . . don't you, Eileen? . . . that whereas you were to blame for losing her backups …"
"Well, as I told you …"
"… you were not to blame for her having to kill Bobby Wilson."
"Well. . . who said I was?"
"Eileen thought you were."
"You didn't think that, did you?" he asked, turning to her.
"Yes, I did."
"That I was . . . how could you think that? I mean, the guy was coming at you …"
"I know."
"… with a knife …"
"I know."
"So how could I have had anything to do with that? I mean, anybody . . . any police officer …"
I "Jesus, I really didn't think you were blaming me for that,
I Eileen."
I "It's complicated," she said.
"Well, I know that. But you can't blame . . ."
"It's involved with the rape, too."
"Well, yeah, that," he said.
Eileen looked at him.
"Bert. . ." she said. "Don't just dismiss it."
"I'm not dismissing it, Eileen, you know that."
"Just don't fucking dismiss it, okay?"
He felt as if he'd been slapped in the face. He looked at her, stunned.
"It wasn't well, yeah, that," she said. "It was rape!"
"Eileen, I didn't mean it that way. I meant. . ."
He stopped dead, shaking his head.
"Yes, what did you mean, Mr Kling?" Karin asked.
"Never mind, forget it."
"No, I think it may help us here."
"Help who here?" he asked. "Are you trying to help me, too, or are you trying to blame me for everything that happened since the rape? Or maybe even for the rape itself, who the hell knows, you're blaming me for everything else, why not the rape, too?"
"No one's blaming you for the rape," Eileen said.
"Thanks a lot."
"But, yes, I think you did have a lot to do . . ."
"Oh, listen. . ."
"… with what happened since the rape, yes."
"Okay, I lost your backups, I admit it. I shouldn't have been there, I should have let them handle it. But that's not the crime of the cent…"
"You're still doing it," Eileen said.
"Doing what, for Christ's sake?"
"He doesn't even realize it," she said to Karin.
"What is it I don't realize? What do you want me to say?
That I'm the one who really killed that cocks . . .?"
He cut himself short.
"Yes?" Karin said.
"I didn't kill Bobby Wilson," he said. "But if it makes you happier to think I was responsible for it, I'll take the rap, okay?"
"What were you about to call him?"
Kling hesitated.
"Go ahead," Karin said.
"A cocksucker," he said.
"Why'd you stop?"
"Because I don't know you well enough to use such language in your presence."
Eileen started laughing.
"What's funny?" he said.
"You never used that word in my presence, either," she said.
"Well, I guess that's a sin, too," he said, "watching my language when there's a lady around."
"If only you could hear yourself," Eileen said, still laughing.
"I don't know what's so funny here," he said, beginning to get angry again. "Do you know what's so funny?" he asked Karin.
"Why'd you go to the Canal Zone that night?" Karin asked.
"I told you."
"No, you didn't," Eileen said.
"I went there because I didn't think Annie and Shanahan could handle it."
"No," Eileen said.
"Then why'd I. . .?"
"You thought
He looked at her.
"Yes," she said.
"No. I didn't want to trust your safety to two people …"
"You didn't want to trust my safety to me."
"Eileen, no cop trusts himself alone in a situation …"
"I know that."
"That's why there are backups …"
"Yes, yes …"
"The more backups the better."
"But you didn't trust me, Bert. Ever since the rape …"
"Oh, Jesus, here's the rape again! Ever since the rape, ever since the rape…"
"Yes, goddamn it!"
"No, goddamn it! You're talking about trust? Well, who didn't trust who? I don't like being blamed for something I …"
"I blame you for losing faith in me!"
"No. You blame me for wanting to protect you!"
"I didn't need your protection! I needed your understanding!"
"Oh, come on, Eileen. If I'd been any more understanding, I'd have qualified for the priesthood."
"What does that mean?"
"Well, you figure it out, okay?"
"No, what does it mean?"
"It means who wouldn't let me touch her after the rape?"
"Oh, is that what it gets down to?"
"I guess it gets down to I'm not the one who raped you, Eileen. I didn't rape you, and I didn't come at you with a knife, either, and if you've got me mixed up in your head with either of those two . . . cocksuckers, okay? . . . then there's nothing I can do to help you."
"Who asked for your help?"
"I thought I was here to …"
"Nobody asked for your help."
"She said maybe I could …"
"Nobody needs your goddamn help."
