Witz полностью

If not, then gaseth, bullet (to temple only), but let’s not be crude: we know, don’t we, that the methods are all out of bounds, which is to say…boundless — the outermost limits of resentment, the strain of our memory bordered by memory, it’s always memory, it’s always…

Imagination surely helpseth.

Be creative.

Though be sure to causeth as little damage as possible to the flesh. Be sure to causeth her not much pain.

Note: Drowning imparts a wetness that is undesirable, resulting in a toughness of the flesh (unless she is drownedeth in a brining, or curing, solution. See PICKLED MOTHER).

If you can’t bringeth yourself to kill your own mother, then have another do it, preferably her husband, if your father, or any other immediate relation to the woman (one’s siblings are suggested: remember, however, that money must not changeth hands).

Just prior to the onset of rigor mortis, deeply rubbeth her with salt, then anoint with the oil: anointment should taketh place twentyfour (24) hours prior to serving, during which time Mother should be kepteth at room temperature; then, placeth gently, do not force, the three onions, one each into her mouth, vagina, and the orifice that she calls her “tuchus.”

Placeth in a house of an oven, preheatedeth to 325° F.

Baketh until sunset, or golden.

There is no substitute.

There is nothing.

During baking, anointeth Mother often in her own juices with baster, mop, or favorite sweeping broom.

You might want to consult the maid (you might wanteth a maid).

Carveth, and enjoy (consulteth our chapter on Anatomy, if need be).

Useth teeth and shorn hair for garnish.

Eyes maketh for a most special delicacy.

Do not watch water.

Do not hope.

Note: An interesting flavor may be attained by bakingeth Mother alongside, or underneath — dependingeth on oven capacity — your father, her husband, or grandparents (his or her parents).

Also note, however, that the flavor of Mother will be significantly lessenedeth the further removed the relation.

Remember that blood must mixeth with its own.

Remember, zachor.

Though never under any circumstances of denial, anger, bargaining, anything whatsoever depressant, attempt this recipe on yourself.

Unless.

Leftovers keepeth well.

Mother is delicious upon the Sabbath, and within the week’s intermediary days — but will always become spoiled before the conclusion of the following Shabbos.

Upon Mondays freezeth, and upon Thursdays thaweth her out, then keep her refrigerated.

To avoideth spoilage, wrap Mother well in both her dresses of maternity, and of wedding.

Do not leaveth her uncovered.

Not ever.

Serveth with sacramental wine.

Let the bottle chilleth between your thighs overnight.

A moon lights full above them, and winter.

While the Kabbalists among us hold that everything in this world is as a mirror of the Other, the next and its everything, which is then not entirely everything — discuss…what’s perplexing (Perplexity being the only named universe, able to accommodate both the Kabbalists and Him) is which is the reflection and which the reflected. Or else, how both are of reflected and reflections beyond.

This, we’ve drunk before.

Our cosmology needs only to ripen a moment — then, all will be done. Finished, kaput.

All this time they’ve been waiting outside, just outside the door.

His house, yours, mine.