She looked quite alarmed. ‘Of course, I’m all right,’ she said sharply.
But there was something wrong. I saw Tante Berthe watching Lisette closely and I thought: Something is worrying her. Once when I was going to see my mother I encountered Tante Berthe coming out of her room and she looked very stern and angry … more than that. I thought I detected anxiety and even fear.
My mother was very absent-minded when I was with her. I asked if anything was wrong with Tante Berthe and she answered quickly: ‘Oh no … no … nothing at all wrong with her.’
Everybody was changing. Nothing had been the same since that fearful tragedy. What was happening to everyone? Even Lisette had ceased to be the vivacious companion she had once been.
Lisette herself came to my room one evening. She said with a grimace: ‘Tante Berthe is taking me with her to visit some relations.’
‘Relations! I didn’t know you had any.’
‘Nor did I … till now. But they have appeared and they want us to go and see them. The Comtesse has given us permission to go.’
‘Oh, Lisette! How long are you going to be away?’
‘Well, they are some distance from here … down in the south somewhere. So we can’t go for just a week. I dare say it will be a month or two.’
‘Who is going to run the household?’
‘Someone will take Tante Berthe’s place.’
‘People have always said that nobody could. Oh, Lisette, I do wish you weren’t going.’
‘So do I.’ She looked bleakly miserable for a few moments. ‘It’s going to be such a
‘Can’t Tante Berthe go alone?’
‘She is insisting that I go with her. You see, they know of my existence and want to see both their long-lost relations.’
‘Oh dear. I’m not going to like it at all. It’s so different here now. First Sophie … and now you.’
I put my arms round her and hugged her. I have rarely seen her so moved. I thought she was going to cry and that was something I had never seen her do.
But she didn’t. She withdrew herself and said: ‘I shall be back.’
‘I should hope so. And make it soon.’
‘As soon as I can. Rest assured of that. This—’ she spread her arms ‘—is my home. That’s how I always see it … in spite of not being one of you and only the niece of the housekeeper.’
‘Don’t be silly, Lisette. You will always be one of us as far as I am concerned.’
‘I’ll be back, Lottie. I’ll be back.’
‘I know that. But I want it soon.’
‘Soon as I can,’ she said.
Before the month was out Lisette had left with Tante Berthe. I watched them from one of the towers and I wondered if Sophie was doing the same from hers.
I felt desolate.
Life had changed completely. I had lost both Sophie and Lisette and only now did I realise what parts they had played in my life.
I missed them terribly—Lisette understandably because she had always been amusing, vivacious and light-hearted; but I missed Sophie’s quiet presence too. It would have helped me if I could have gone to her room, tried to amuse her, talked to her. But she would not allow it and although she did not shut me out completely, she implied that she liked to be left alone and on the rare occasions when I did climb the stairs to the turret, Sophie always contrived that Jeanne should be with her so that we could not talk intimately. My visits grew less and less frequent, and I guessed that that was what Sophie wanted.
Charles came often and everyone was amazed at his devotion, for the Tourville estates were a good distance from Aubigné and the journey long and tiresome; but he continued to come. On the last two visits he had not seen Sophie. She did not want to see him any more than she wanted to see me; and Jeanne had told my mother that Charles’s visits upset Sophie so much that she would be affected by them for days afterwards.
My mother explained this to Charles and he listened attentively. I think,’ she said, ‘seeing you—and Lottie and Armand too for that matter—brings back memories of that night. She may change …’
My mother looked sad for she was beginning to believe that Sophie would never change.
‘Leave her alone for a while,’ she added hopefully.
‘I shall continue to come,’ said Charles; and when he said that I met his eyes and I knew that he did not come to see Sophie but me.
I wished that I could stop thinking of him, but I could not., I dreamed about him, yet the man in my dreams was half Dickon, half Charles. I was not sure which one it was and my feelings for Charles were beginning to be what they had been for Dickon.
I wished that Lisette were here. I could have talked to her and in her worldly way she would have given me advice.
