He’d done nothing to harm Marcia by involving her in his sexual fantasies: her own unconscious must be serving her up similar fantasies constantly. What he’d done wrong was fail to protect her from her subsequent memory of what happened: he had to find a way to censor what she remembered on awakening so as to ensure that she was no more troubled by her memories of his erotic scenarios than she would have been by the memory of one of her own.
Maybe all he’d have to do would be to tell the girls to forget everything that happened, then let their own unconscious censoring mechanisms do the work for him. The same way hypnotized people could be told to forget they’d even been hypnotized.
The faculty meeting was short and pointless. As it was breaking up, Mother Isobel asked some of the faculty members to stay behind, but there was nothing to indicate that St. Jacques was the one she was interested in. All she did was tell him she wanted to see him in her office after her last class, then dismissed him.
He was thankful she hadn’t attacked or ridiculed him in public, furious at himself for his gratitude, since he knew her well enough to know she never did anything for anybody without expecting something back in return.
Sixth period was a study hall. Most of the girls had been excused to work on the Mother-Daughter Fashion Show. St. Jacques divided his time between rereading
He’d just reread the passage in which Freud relates how he’d told the “intelligent lady patient” that “You know the stimulus of a dream always lies among the experiences of the preceding day.” St. Jacques wanted to make sure he was primed with all the proper stimuli for the night to come.
The bell rang. Liz jumped up, grabbed her books, and ran. St. Jacques watched the play of her buttocks and thighs beneath her slightly too-tight plaid uniform skirt, then picked up his own books and made his way to his seventh-period class.
Seventh period was French I. Terri handed him a note signed by Mother Isobel herself excusing Marcia from class indefinitely for reasons of health. St. Jacques couldn’t tell if Terri, June, or any of the others remembered their brief participation in his dream-scenario.
In any case, he did his best to make the class a perfect example of classic enlightened pedagogic method as practiced at St. Bernadette’s: he started out asking the girls difficult questions about the
June was having trouble with the quiz. On impulse, he decided to go easy on the grading this once.
His final class he spent going over the tests he’d graded that morning. None of the girls in the class interested him, though some had attracted him strongly in previous years. As he’d gotten older, his fantasy life had become increasingly detached from any real-world possibilities and involvements and the girls he desired had become younger and younger, so that it was the incoming thirteen- and fourteen-year-olds who excited him most, the seniors far less, the other adults he encountered almost not at all. Knowing his fantasies to be impossible, he’d never felt compelled to realize them, or blame himself for not having done so. A perfect example of his unconscious mind arranging things for his ease and comfort.
Mother Isobel was waiting for him in her office. The
A stage setting. She probably hadn’t even opened any of the books, just stuck them where they’d look impressive.
“Sit down, Lawrence.”
He sat.
“You know what I called you in here to talk about.”
“Not really. I—”
“Of course you do. You were in the chapel, even if you slept through the first half of what I said.”
“Mother Isobel, I’m not a Catholic, I don’t believe—”
