“She help him,” Annie answered in a flurry of dark fingers. “Especially when he paint.”
Douglas frowned. He looked at the page again, disappointed.
“What I do?” Annie asked, worried.
He tried to brighten up. “You did just fine. It was a hard book.”
“Annie smart,” the orang signed. “Annie smart.”
Douglas nodded. “I know.”
Annie rose, then stood on her legs, looking like a two-story fuzzy building, teetering from side to side. “Annie smart. Writer. Smart,” she signed. “Write book. Best-seller.”
Douglas made a mistake. He laughed. Not as simple as a human laughing at another, this was an act of aggression. His bared teeth and uncontrolled guff-guff struck out at Annie. He tried to stop.
She made a gulping sound and galloped out of the room.
“Wait, Annie!” He chased after her.
By the time he got outside she was far ahead. He stopped running when his chest hurt and trotted slowly through the weeds toward her. She sat forlornly far away and watched him come.
When he was near, she signed, “hug,” three times.
Douglas collapsed, panting, his throat raw. “Annie, I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean it.” He put his arms around her.
She held on to him.
“I love you, Annie. I love you so much I don’t want ever to hurt you. Ever, ever, ever. I want to be with you all the time. Yes, you’re smart and talented and good.” He kissed her tough face.
Whether forgotten or forgiven, the hurt of his laughter was gone from her eyes. She held him tighter, making a soft sound in her throat, a sound for him.
They lay together in the crackling yellow weeds, clinging. Douglas felt his love physically growing for her. More passionately than ever before in his life, he wanted to make love to her. He touched her. He felt that she understood what he wanted, that her breath on his neck was anticipation. A consummation as he’d never imagined, the joining of their species in language and body. Not dumb animal-banging but mutual love…. He climbed over her and hugged her back.
Annie went rigid when he entered her.
Slowly, she rolled away from him, but he held on to her. “No.” A horrible grimace came across her face that raised the hairs on the back of Douglas’s neck. “Not you,” she said.
His passion declined; Annie disentangled herself and walked away.
He sat for a moment, stunned at what he’d done, stunned at what had happened, wondering what he would do the rest of his life with the memory of it. Then he zipped up his pants.
Staring at his dinner plate, he thought, it’s just the same as if I had been rejected by a woman. I’m not the kind that goes for bestiality. I’m not some farm boy who can’t find someplace to put it.
His hands could still remember the matted feel of her fur; tucked in his groin was the memory of being in an alien place. It had made him throw up out in the field that afternoon, and after that he’d come straight home. He hadn’t even said good-night to the orangs.
“What’s the matter?” Therese asked.
He shrugged.
She half rose out of her chair to kiss him on the temple. “You don’t have a fever, do you?”
“No.”
“Can I do something to make you feel better?” Her hand slid along his thigh.
He stood up. “Stop it.”
She sat still. “Are you in love with another woman?”
Why can’t she just leave me alone? “No. I have a lot on my mind. There’s a lot going on.”
“It never was like this, even when you were working on your thesis.”
“Therese,” he said, with what he felt was undeserved patience, “just leave me alone. It doesn’t help with you at me all the time.”
“But I’m scared, I don’t know what to do. You act like you don’t want me around.”
“All you do is criticize me.” He stood and took his dishes to the sink.
Slowly, she trailed after him, carrying her plate. “I’m just trying to understand. It’s my life, too.”
He said nothing and she walked away as if someone had told her not to leave footsteps.
In the bathroom, he stripped and stood under the shower a long time. He imagined that Annie’s smell clung to him. He felt that Therese could smell it on him.
What have I done, what have I done…
And when he came out of the shower, Therese was gone.
He had considered calling in sick, but he knew that it would be just as miserable to stay around the house and think about Annie, think about Therese, and worse, to think about himself.
He dressed for work, but couldn’t eat breakfast. Realizing that his pain showed, he straightened his shoulders, but found them drooping again as he got out of the car at work.
With some fear, he came through the office. The secretary greeted him with rolled eyes. “Someone’s given out our number again,” she said as the phone buzzed. Another line was on hold. “This morning there was a man standing at the window watching me until Gramps kicked him off the property.”
Douglas shook his head in sympathy with her and approached the orang’s door. He felt nauseated again.
Vernon sat at the typewriter, most likely composing captions for his photo album. He didn’t get up to greet Douglas, but gave him an evaluative stare.
