Four years of looking, and lying, and waiting. Four years of everything broken. Four years praying for a chance to catch the bastard: to be there when he confessed, to watch him go down for the rest of his miserable life. To tell Rebecca that I got him
A knock on the door.
Ash?
I stuck the box under my pillow. Hello?
The door opened. A silhouette in flannel jammies stood in the hall outside, head shrouded in curls. I wanted She cleared her throat. Thank you for staying.
Try and get some sleep, OK?
You re a great dad. She closed the door, leaving me alone in the darkness again.
I wrapped my hand around his throat and squeezed.
Saturday 19th November
The smell of sizzling bacon drifted through the house as I pulled my socks from the pile of clothes on the floor. Sniffed them. Good enough for another day. Have to pop past Rhona s at some point and pick up clean clothes, though. Goosepimples rippled across my bare skin, still damp from the shower.
One sock on, and my phone rang: MICHELLE.
I closed my eyes, took a breath. Perfect way to start the day. I answered it anyway; tried to sound cheery. Is she giving you any more
What the buggering fuck do you think you re playing at? Raising your daughter on my own is tough enough without you undermining me every two minutes!
I sank onto the edge of the bed and dragged out the other sock.
Good morning, Ash, how are you today.
Don t you bloody start with me, Ash Henderson: you know fine well Katie s grounded. Honestly, how am I supposed to maintain any kind of discipline when you pull shit like this?
Dr McDonald s voice came from somewhere downstairs.
ASH? BREAKFAST S NEARLY READY. DO YOU WANT TEA?
I m hanging up, Michelle. Pulled on the other sock.
That s your bloody answer to everything, isn t it? Run away. You can t take Katie and not tell me!
Take? I didn t take anyone anywhere. What the hell are you irresponsible arsehole. Why did I think you could change?
Katie isn t with you? Something curdled deep inside my stomach.
I don t know why I even bother, you
Michelle! Will you shut up for two seconds. Where s Katie?
A pause. She s staying at your house.
No she isn t.
Her note says she s
My place is all boarded up: flooded, I ve not been back since yesterday morning. How could you let her out of your sight?
Ash? Something went thump on the other end of the phone. Oh God, what if she s run away? What if she s run away like Rebecca? What if we never see our baby ever again?
No. Not this. Not again. I swallowed. You said she left a note.
Oh God, Ash, what if she s gone?
The note, Michelle what does it say?
I shouted at her when I got home. What was I supposed to do, she got expelled!
She s She s probably just sulking: punishing us for not taking her side against the school. Katie ll be at one of her friends houses. Please, please let her be at one of her friends houses.
Now read me the bloody note!
I shouted at her
Michelle, will you calm
A knock. Then the door swung open, and there was Dr McDonald, standing in the hall: a blue pinny tied over her usual stripy top and jeans. Holding a cup of tea. Thought you might Pink rushed up her cheeks and her eyes widened. Staring at me.
Wearing nothing but a pair of socks, the phone clamped to my ear.
Oh. She spun around, facing back the way she d come. Sorry I Breakfast is on the table
I dragged my trousers on. Answer the bloody phone!
The other end rang, and rang, then: Oldcastle four nine six, zero three two seven? A man s voice, rough with cigarettes.
Is Katie there? Katie Henderson?
The voice became sharper. Who is this?
Her dad. I need to speak to her, now. Who the hell did she think she was kidding? Pulling the same trick twice in one week, as if we were idiots.
You re her dad, are you? Well done: what a sterling job you did. Last time she was here she had fifty quid out my wallet lucky I didn t call the police! It wasn t the same Tennent s Lager Tory I spoke to on Wednesday.
Where s Ashley s father?
And another thing if she doesn t stay away from my daughter, I ll
Where is he?
Right here. I m Ashley s dad, and she s doing a lot better at school now your sodding Katie s not dragging her down.
I stared at my mobile. But she was there Wednesday night.
She s not been near our Ashley for three months. And it s staying that way, or so help me
He slammed the phone down.
Three months.
I hauled my shirt on. Dialled Katie s mobile again. Come on. Come on
Voicemail. Same as the last three times I d tried.
Katie, it s your dad where the hell are you? Your mother s worried sick!
Struggled into my shoes, grabbed my jacket and hurried down the stairs.
Dr McDonald was waiting at the bottom, still wearing her pinny.
Is everything OK, only I made you an omelette, you like omelettes don t you, it s got ham and mushrooms in it and some cheese, and there s bacon and orange juice and croissants
I kept walking, buttoning up my shirt on the way to the door.
I have to go.
You don t like omelettes: I knew I should ve made pancakes, I can make pancakes, it ll only take a minute? Ash?
