Tea dripped down the kitchen window.
I closed my eyes. Dug my hands into my pockets.
Tell her. Just come clean and tell her everything.
It wasn t Rebecca s fault.
My fingers traced the edges of the small velvet box. I pulled it out, opened it.
The diamond ring inside sparkled, even after all this time.
A noise behind me. Dr McDonald her reflection distorted in the dark glass door of the microwave. She stood there for a couple of beats, then cleared her throat. Is it all right if I take a look in Katie s room, see if I can find some clue where she might have gone?
I nodded.
A pause. Then Dr McDonald patted me on the shoulder, and backed out of the room. Her feet creaked the stairs up to the landing. The muffled clunk of a door closing.
Silence.
I brushed a bit of fluff from the box s silk lining.
Do you remember the morning we got engaged?
What if she doesn t come back?
You d been throwing up in the toilets at that Wetherspoons on Beech Street, so we went to Boots and got that pregnancy test
What if she disappears like Rebecca and we never see her again?
We were happy, weren t we? I stood, went over to the sink. It all went to shit, but we were happy.
A smear of red was mixed in amongst the shards of broken mug. Blood dripped from the end of Michelle s middle finger.
I don t think I can go through all this again.
I put the open box on the work surface.
She stared down at it for a bit. Then picked the ring out of the box. My engagement ring! Granny gave me this it was her mum s. I thought I d lost it
Found it when I was clearing my stuff out of Kingsmeath. In one of the boxes. Thought you d want it back.
After all, what was one more lie?
Dr McDonald flinched when I knocked on Katie s bedroom door. She shut the book in her hands and placed it on the bed beside her. Stood. Sorry, I always feel guilty reading someone else s diary
The room was a tip, same as always: the carpet barely visible between the discarded socks and pants and jeans and T-shirts and hooded tops. A stack of Kerrang! magazines teetered by the bed, a couple of books poking out from underneath the dirty washing. Posters on the wall of emo, goth and death-metal bands, a Disney s Little Mermaid given the Tim Burton treatment with biro scars, sunken eyes, and gaping ribcage.
A couple of drawers on the bedside cabinet were pulled out. Stripy socks and pants with little skull-and-crossbones on them. A single training bra.
I stayed where I was. She left her diary.
Well, it means she s not really planning on being gone long, I mean she wouldn t leave that behind if she was going to run away really, and it doesn t look like she s taken much in the way of underwear, and there s a toilet bag still in the wardrobe, I m sure she ll be back soon Ash?
Oh God.
Not again.
I picked my way through the debris and sank down on the edge of the bed. Stared at Disney s Little Zombie. What about the note?
A bit confused, like she s making it up as she goes along, spontaneous rather than something she s planned and worked on, she s sorry for being such a disappointment, it s not her fault, ever since her sister disappeared it s all gone wrong for her, and nobody understands, and she hates everyone, but she loves them too, and why won t anyone listen to her side of things any more?
Maybe Dr McDonald was right.
Rebecca never left a note
Maybe Katie hadn t really run away; she hadn t been snatched; she wasn t tied to a chair, in a basement, waiting to die. She was off sulking somewhere trying to prove a point. She d be back any minute.
Dr McDonald sat down next to me. That was a nice engagement ring.
From downstairs came the rattle-clack-rustle of the mail hitting the front mat.
What I cleared my throat. What about the diary?
She put her hand on the book s cover. Keeping it shut.
The usual teenage stuff.
Katie lied to me: said she was staying at her friend Ashley s house on Wednesday night, but Ashley s dad told me she d not been there for months.
Ah Dr McDonald picked up the diary and held it against her chest. It s never a good idea to
I need to know. I looked down at my fists.
Does she talk about Steven Wallace?
A pause.
Steven Wallace? No, no there s no mention of Steven Wallace, or Sensational Steve, or anything like that, why would she talk about Steven Wallace?
Then who the hell was she staying with?
I scooped all the post up from the mat, flicking through the envelopes. Two bills, a couple of circulars for hearing aids and stair-lifts, and a handful of birthday cards, all addressed to Katie.
Dr McDonald peered around my shoulder. Are you OK?
None of them looked like the ones that wound up in my PO box once a year, but I tore them open anyway.
HAPPY 13 TODAY!, IT S HORMONE-CITY FROM HERE ON IN!, I HEAR YOU RE GETTING OLDER! Every one of them was shop-bought: kittens, teddy bears, grinning cartoon characters, all scribbled inside with best wishes from friends and family. A five-pound note in the one from Michelle s mother.
