CONTENTS
Cover
About the Book
About the Author
Also by Helen Fielding
Dedication
Title Page
Prologue
Plenty of Fuckwits
The Art of Concentration
Dark Night of the Soul
Part One: Born-Again Virgin
2012 Diary
A New Start – A New Me
Social Media Virgin
The Flabby Diaphragm
Makeover!
Smug Married Hell
A Plan
A Daniel in Shining Armour
The Perfect Babysitter
The Stronghold
Aftermath
Women Change Their Minds
Crashing Wave
How Not to Do Dating
The Number One Key Dating Rule
Continuing Dating Incompetence
Escalating Dating Incompetence
Intensive Dating Study
Wallowing in It
Christmas
Part Two: Mad About the Boy
2013 Diary
Perfect Mother
A Needle in a Twitterstack
Do Not Tweet When Drunk
Twunken Aftermath
Screenwriter
Let it Snow!
Do Not Tweet About Date During Date
Date With Toy Boy
Joy Mixed With Sick
Getting to Second Date
Hard-Hats-Offing!
The Barnacle’s Penis
To Sleep With or Not to Sleep With?
Second Date With Toy Boy
Deflowered
Back in the Present Moment
Dark Night of the Soul
Power Mother
Nits in the Works
Nit-Infestered Power Meeting
Fire! Fire!
The Trouble With Summer
Direction!
The Trouble With Outfits
Heady Glamorous Times
Talitha’s Party
Part Three: Descent Into Chaos
Horrible No-Good Very Bad Day
Overstuffed Lives
Mini-Break or Break-Up?
Is it Snow or is it Blossom?
Frantic
Farting Sports Day
The Deep Freeze
That’s What Friends Are For
The Yawning Void
Just the Way They Are
Let’s Face the Music and Tea-Dance
Getting Online
KBO
The Summer Concert
The Horror, The Horror
Mid-Match Collision
Rekindling
Blimey
Giving In
Part Four: The Great Tree
Summer of Fun
Back to School
The Mighty Jungle
Parents’ Evening
Fifty Shades of Old
The Sound of Shells Cracking
A Hero Will Rise
’Tis the Season
The Carol Concert
The Owl
The Year’s Progress
Outcome
Acknowledgements
Copyright
ABOUT THE BOOK
WHAT DO YOU DO when a girlfriend’s 60th birthday party is the same day as your boyfriend’s 30th?
IS IT WRONG to lie about your age when online dating?
IS IT MORALLY WRONG to have a blow-dry when one of your children has head lice?
DOES THE DALAI LAMA actually tweet or is it his assistant?
IS TECHNOLOGY now the fifth element? Or is that wood?
IS SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE after 2 dates and 6 weeks of texting the same as getting married after 2 meetings and 6 months of letter writing in Jane Austen’s day?
Pondering these, and other modern dilemmas, Bridget Jones stumbles through the challenges of single-motherhood, tweeting, texting and rediscovering her sexuality in what SOME people rudely and outdatedly call ‘middle age’.
The long-awaited return of a much-loved character,
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
HELEN FIELDING is the author of
Also by Helen Fielding
To Dash and Romy
PROLOGUE
Thursday 18 April 2013
2.30 p.m. Talitha just called, talking in that urgent, ‘let’s-be-discreet-but-wildly-overdramatic’ voice she always has. ‘Darling, I just want to let you know that it’s my sixtieth on the 24th of May. I’m not SAYING it’s my sixtieth, obviously. And keep it quiet because I’m not asking everyone. I just wanted you to keep the date free.’
I panicked. ‘That would be great!’ I gushed unconvincingly.
‘Bridget. You absolutely can’t not come.’
‘Well, the thing is . . .’
‘What?’
‘It’s Roxster’s thirtieth birthday that night.’
Silence at the end of the phone.
‘I mean, we probably won’t still be together by then, but, if we are, it would be . . .’ I tailed off.
‘I’ve just put “no children” on the invites.’
‘He’ll be thirty by then!’ I said indignantly.
‘I’m just teasing, darling. Of course you must bring your toy boy. I’ll get a bouncy castle! Back on air. Mustrunloveyoubye!’
