July 12, 1969. All the days which weren’t busy I had a lot of time to think. What does a girl with a love-filled heart think about that makes her eyes spin with sadness? Of course I miss them so my heart will not calm down. My entire group from the South, those are all people I love… perhaps they still worry about me. My black eyes will lie awake in the long night when listening to the bombs and bullets in the North. Standing out here I try very hard to look through the mountain in order to see the Southerners and recognize the rumble of the mountain at Pho Quong. I miss them so much!
I left them with a thousand difficulties: maybe Trung is dead already; maybe the broken arm didn’t heal… maybe all of the men and women have to work very hard. I feel sorry for Tu, Ky, Lanh, and Lien…
One thing which hurts is the affections of this young man; this kind of love does not bring bright happiness, but instead causes worry, sadness and thought. What can I tell him now? It seems that there is something which can destroy it which before we didn’t feel, so it infringes on our affections. What will happen in life?
July 14, 1965. Today is Father’s birthday. I remember this day among the fire and explosions of bombs. Just yesterday fire killed 5 and wounded 2. I also lay under heavy artillery fire. Everyone still hasn’t gotten over the surprise and worry, but I am still like before! Longing, worry, and thinking press heavily on my heart. My dear Parents, young brothers and sisters there, do you understand and see the life over here? Life is extremely courageous, extremely harsh… to die is easier than to eat, but people still have the patience to fight. I am one of those thousands of people; I live with the Struggle and think about tomorrow. I will perish for the country, tomorrow’s victory song will not include me. I am proud to offer all my life for the country. Of course I am also sad because I cannot continue to live a peaceful and happy life: I am one of those people who give their blood and bones in order to take back the country. But what is so special about that? Millions and millions of people like me have fallen already yet have never enjoyed one happy day, so I am never sorry.
This afternoon was very sad, I miss him so much. What is he doing right now? I thought I saw him lying in a hammock, but with his eyes very sad and his face thin because he missed me. My dear young man, what can I say to you now?
July 16, 1969. I don’t know what people think when they stand and watch the robbing American planes. This afternoon was like other afternoons; the fighter planes circled the village and then fired a rocket into Pho An 13 village*. Afterwards 2 jets turned away from each other and dropped heavy bombs which exploded with fire and smoke… the square bombs shining in the sun falling to earth and becoming a red ball of fire followed by black smoke all around the sky. The sound of the planes is still there. Every time like that when many bombs drop the explosions deafen you and make your head hurt.
From a place not too far away I quietly watched, my heart filled with hate for those burning fires. Who is burning? In the explosions who is burning in the bomb craters? The old lady sitting next to me looked in the direction of the village and said: “That is where Hung’s wife’s mother lives.” Oh! My dear Vietnamese citizen heroes, perhaps in this world there is no one who stands so much hardship and sorrow as the courageous Southerners.
July 19, 1969. The class of Gynecologists left as a number of people had to go to duties far away from home. Hai went to Gia Lai*. The letter she sent back was filled with scrawled writing and tears. I felt so sorry for her. Only duty to the Party makes people leave like that. When I got into the vehicle which started me south, I too cried tears of sorrow and longing for my family, but I cried also for the honor. Now she has left, going with tears of sadness and sorrow on her face. Before going she wiped away her tears because she is a Party member.
Travel continues to be like that. I met many people because of the missions they had to go on, but I’m not sure they were proud enough when they traveled that honorable road. Why? That is very easy to understand, because the battlefield asks for so much and the rear lines have given all to the front lines long ago. Is that what it means, that there is something to show for the right thoughts in my mind?
