July 26, 1969. The guerrillas carrying ammunition back through Khe Sanh were attacked by the Americans at Cua Mountain*. Only a few Americans were on guard, but the rest slept like they were dead. Some of my comrades got close and recognized the Americans lying all over the rocks. Because they hurried one of them fell by a hole, but didn’t fall in because of a stone. The Americans triggered a mine but there were no casualties. At one o’clock in the morning they returned to Pho An* to meet Hung (army leader of the village), to find a place to stay and to tell their story. I came out from lying in the trench to listen. I didn’t think Thuan’s youngest brother Nhieu was part of this group but in the morning heard that Nga and Man were part of the unit, so I knew that this was Nhieu. I feel sorry for this young man, and ran to find him, but the enemy was active so his brother took him to hide. I was very sorry about that, hoping to meet him so I could hold his hand to cheer and to encourage him with a sister’s care. My dear young man, your image is that of the young brother I think about and miss night and day.
The way you go is not sure, and your heart is full of hardships. I wish you to go with firm steps.
July 27, 1969. The village was attacked at 1830. Everyone eating dinner hurried, leaving their bowls, with yokes on their shoulders to get away from the enemy. I didn’t follow the family I live with. I planned that if something happened to get into the hole and sit and continue eating my dinner, but the bullets fired overhead. Tam and Hung returned when it got dark, saw that it was not safe so decided to leave again. I went to Pho Quang*, they ran to 18*. Chin was too slow, so I went ahead.
As darkness fell I walked by myself between the villages with no one around. I felt sorry for myself and went to Phuong’s house, empty with trees all blown over by artillery and still smelling of fire. The shell holes were in front of the yard and in the road. I ran to Thinh’s house and she let me know that everyone had run to the paddy dikes already. By now she couldn’t take me there because of the gun fire. Indeed we hadn’t finished talking when guns exploded next to us, and the fire burned bright all around. I had to stay at Thinh’s. Tonight was a night I had to stay with no one to care for me but normally friendly civilians. After 3 years I go everywhere without ever worrying because even in the tensest situations I feel safe with all the people to protect me: by depending on them I have nothing to worry about. Tonight I was alone for the first time since coming south: I worry that if the enemy carries out their mopping-up operations where will I go? If they attack here tonight what will I do? Who will let me use a foxhole? Lying in the covered trench was hot so both of us went into the yard to sleep. The sound of mosquitoes kept me awake, or was it the thoughts going around in my head? The radio’s last announcements came very late but I still couldn’t sleep. I sat up and looked carefully into the darkness at the sound of a barking dog. Suddenly an unreasonable hope was burning in my heart, a hope that on the road would appear a loved one, a young man who would meet me so perhaps when I saw him I could put my face on his strong arm, my tears soaking his sleeve, and I would be quiet… I cannot explain this.
Why didn’t I think of anyone but him? That’s easy to understand, because in all the dangers and hardships here in the South he has taken care of me and protected me because he cares for and likes me. He has never let me be sorry: even a small task he won’t let me do myself, or even a short distance he won’t let me go by myself. Now tonight what is he doing? Does he realize that I am helpless and lost?
