December 1, 1969. I returned to Pho Cuong, excited when I met all the people I knew. Pho Cuong is still crowded and happy, the same as before with all the people who knew me, with their warm hearts and all their affections. I always have the feeling that I am like a child who returned home from far away to live in the love of her family.
December 2, 1969. Saw him (Thuan) again: I had imagined that when we saw each other he would hold his head over my hand and cry, and that I would be unable to say anything when I first stepped in the old house. Nhieu is not there, but I don’t understand why we were all so happy and laughing.
How happy I am to return to live in this complete love for me. During all the days of living with the Northerners I could not imagine that I would have a time to see your shining eyes (again), could not believe that I would have a moment to hold your hand and to touch your hair. Thuong was there today when I had this moment next to you, all of us having lived in those warm days. Revolutionary zeal warmed my heart: I will never feel cold again even though the wind returns with drizzle to spread over the village and hamlet.
Tomorrow I leave again, hoping to meet once more my young brother and all the people that I love.
December 3, 1969. It was very cold at night, the wind from the north-east making me feel cold. I Ran to get next to him, shivering with cold, feeling warm when he took the parachute and put it on my shoulders while his hand held mine tight with emotion. It was not time to go yet so I sat there for awhile, but was not satisfied. At 4:15 Thuong and I took the bag and left. He went with us to the regrouping position and when the time to say good-by came I looked into his eyes and saw a wonderful care. I already had said good-bye to him as to a family member. When will I see him again?
It is the smoke and fire of war that dries my tears. Watching a sad movie makes me cry, so how can I stand the times I say good-bye to people who I don’t know if I will ever see again? This afternoon standing by Nhieu’s grave I still felt the sorry bleeding in my heart: I still felt tears at the edge of my eyes. Nhieu’s grave lies beside the road, the wreath of flowers is still there, he died more than 100 days ago but I feel as if he just fell to the ground. I lit a bunch of incense to put on his grave. I don’t know what to say to the dead. Dear Nhieu, you died a courageous soldier and your life is a song of praise for those still alive. Dear Nhieu, you died when your life was still so green with dreams, when love was blooming. I and all of us close to you only can promise to continue to fight in order to have revenge for your death.
December 4, 1969. Saw Van again: we held each other and how excited I was when I saw this girlfriend with eyes shining from tears. I have returned to the arms of Hai, Lay, and all the people I care for in the same unit.
All the days in this small house have made up already for the hardships of the days passed by.
(Family Address)
Dia chi Gia Dinh
1. Bac si Dang Ngoc Khue (Dr. Dang Ngoc Khue)*
Benh Vien Dong Anh (Dong Anh Hospital)
Ha Noi
2. Duoc si Doan Ngoc Tram (Pharmacist Doan Ngoc Tram)*
V 501e BC 13b KA
T.H.D.K.
Happiness and sadness fill my heart in these days bright with fire.
“These are the days of strong Communist spirit: a spirit clear like glass, hard and strong like diamond and bright with thousands of the lights of a trusting heart. Communists love their life, but when necessary will die as easily as a feather”
December 31, 1969. New Year’s Eve 1969: we went on operations and returned to our old position; saying good-bye to friends and the people I love in Pho Khanh and making me feel that they are hard to forget.
