February 1, 1970. All those meaningless stories are like thorns stuck in my heart. You must know how to protect your honor, please school your character and don’t be sorry about where you are going. From now on I must try to be worthy of M and all the people who believe in me. The way passes deep holes so if I don’t pay a little attention I will fall in. Stay awake and vigilant please!
February 2, 1970. The days are so heavy with hate. The Americans are still here so there are still days like today. On a night with no moonlight I want to see clearly every comrade’s face but I can only make out that there are a number of people. I stand looking at him hoping he is vigilant. Oh who can understand that the price of even a single minute of life today is so dear! One minute alive is a single minute of working for the Revolution. I want to forget it all but cannot. How can I forget when the blood of my comrades still is being lost?
February 3, 1970. Is there some aura in the air surrounding me? Are those the eyes of a face I love, wide with sorrow for an unsuccessful job? Is it the poverty of a family beset by war? I don’t know anymore, I only feel sad. It is someone else’s sadness but why does it weigh on my heart? The New Year is here but what does it mean? Am I sad? Has spring not returned to me? The sun comes out but it’s still cold like last year. The sun shines on the vegetables but I still feel cold because I don’t have the love of the person that I love the most. Now… eight years are over!!
February 6, 1970. It’s New Year’s Eve* and four years away from home already, the forth year away from my family. Dear Ha Noi, tonight the Sword River* people still throng together, the Turtle Tower* still shines with electric lights but I know Ha Noi is still not completely happy. With heart still half bleeding how can you be happy? Tonight everyone has a heavy sorrow, and here there is also singing, flowers and New Year’s cakes, but my heart is only thinking.
For four years I haven’t had a New Year in the delta. Dear Thuy, can’t the love of the delta warm your heart? The smile on your lips is not a smile in your heart!
No, please be happy with the spring; please love every minute of this life Thuy!
February 7, 1970. Another spring night with drops of spring rain wetting my hair. Tonight it’s very dark, the stars’ gloomy light only shows the village’s sandy road. I said good-bye to him, but my heart is heavy with worry: the coming circumstances may become very tense. I went leaving behind a lot of hardships. When will we see each other again? Oh, how hateful it is, war only brings pain and sorrow to us, is this right?? I know that I am wrong when I tell you that I don’t hope for the day I see my parents again. You blame my sadness, but that is the truth. I am not sad. Good-bye, I will see you again for sure, and kiss the black eyes that I love.
February 15, 1970. In those days of living next to you I was happy when I saw our love grow. I believed you just like I believed myself, this faith letting me overcome the difficulties and obstacles which grew and controlled my life. How happy I was when the hardships were over: I always had you to lead me, your care for me increased little by little, you taught me a brother’s love for a younger sister, you took me from being secretary to the village to being a new cadre, then to become a Party member. You took care of me with the love of a person in the same unit who had the same duties in this lifeand-death struggle.
Please keep that, Tan…… ”all that love”.
February 18, 1970. I never hoped that he could go to A, if he goes I will lose in my life a place to lean on, lose a comfort which encourages me, and lose a person who protects me on all sides. But for his future, I hope he can go. The circumstances there now are very dangerous. I cannot but worry when I hear the roar of the enemy trucks over there. All the firing sounds like a knocking in my head. Please try to be vigilant, do you hear me?
February 19, 1970. I saw him again and how happy I was. It seems I am alive again like in the days when we were in the Dong Ram clinic. He came from the delta with a deep affection, but when we saw each other we were natural and seemingly very cold with each other: why?
Tonight at the meeting in the forest house I knew there were eyes looking at me with care and happiness. Oh, how lively and deep is our affection!
