February 25, 1970. A leader’s duties are very complicated. It’s very hard; how can I make everyone happy? In every circumstance I must be firm to:
I am still too young, so I must please try hard to learn and to train myself to be a cadre worthy of the Party’s faith.
The conversation also revealed a number of problems: I must be careful the way I speak and in my every action because near me there are always jealous people searching for weaknesses: life is like that! But what can be done? Please live with each other in true affection: these times (already) have millions of difficulties and you are surrounded by the dead; forget the small things.
February 26, 1970. Now I feel so sorry for Chin, a wounded soldier still so young with an arm bandaged and not yet healed, and with legs still trembling when he walks. But he still has to leave the hospital. He smiles and sings, but I know that he is tired. Oh God, who knows that this young boy is a courageous soldier who has killed the enemy Americans and is a very special guerilla from Pho Cuong, one of the best hamlets of the village? My love is suddenly stirred, but why is that? Though when he left I only told him to be vigilant, try to let his arm heal, and then looked at him with friendly eyes.
Well, go, and I wish you a fast recovery and return to your fighting unit.
February 27, 1970. Life is really a colorful painting: I am like an artist just out of school and into practical considerations. In front of me is the mountain chain with some green mountains with white clouds hanging alongside, some of them crumbling from bombs and bullets and scarred red with bomb craters. I have come from far away on a road filled with hardship. The burning sun with the trees dry because of the poisons… the river’s cool water and the roots of fragrant flowers… and the faces I met on the way with shining eyes bright with love looking at me with belief and understanding. Some of the eyes look at me to see what is going on and some eyes to fool me try to hide a jealous light with a false smile.
Dear Thuy, make smart choices, stay smart and calm. You are old enough; hopefully you know now how to be a person: don’t waste your faith, don’t be too narrowminded. You must know how to follow the Party rules. Why, now I am also a leader, developing in the same Movement (my “rally day” was in November, 1968, and I became Branch Secretary in June 1969). But can I get everyone’s support? Is it because of those accomplishments above? Of course no one progresses without weaknesses: I am not afraid of that. If something is wrong then try hard to control that: if something is right then try hard to encourage that, don’t follow others, don’t be too arbitrary or official, don’t be afraid to hurt someone and go against principles. Before doing anything be careful. I am playing a role on stage with so many eyes in the audience examining me. I can do it of course; it is natural because I am an actress. They praise me when I really do well (but I haven’t done that well yet). If I don’t do so well they will criticize, and criticize a lot. How can I be such an actress? Too bad, etc. and etc…
It would be natural if I was in different circumstances, then no-one would say anything, they would feel sorry for and understand a girl far from home, a weak female who had enjoyed a happy life since her childhood but now meeting so many hardships. But today I am different: “Oh this girl whose strengths and contributions to the Revolution are small compared to mine wants to be my leader? After so many years living and dying on the battlefield in the South and now I let her take command?”
No my dear comrade! I also have a job for the Revolution. The Party hands me an important responsibility only because it wants to use all my talents and abilities for the good of the Party. I am honored because the Party has faith in me, but it is not because of that that I am proud. I understand that I can study and learn many ideas over many years of school, but no university is as good as the practical university. I have only been here for three years and of course that is not as good as your comrades who have spent ten or twenty years in the field. So please approach me in the friendship of blood held in common in order to free the country with the love of persons far away from home who look to the family of the Revolution as the only place to learn about life. Please teach me and help me to be a capable cadre working for the Party. As for me I know what I must do: I know my abilities, and I tell myself that I must be courteous to learn from others around me.
