So finally they all agree they might see each other later at the Holler. Burke cranks the truck and Randy climbs to the passenger side. Roy and Nathan watch them disappear down the road. Roy crushes his beer can in his hand, meticulously, till the flat ends are joined in a thin disk. He tosses the weight a long way into the woods.
"That was all right." Peering at Nathan. 'Wished I had another one."
"I thought you had some more."
"Naw. I'm out." Roy leans on the car. Mumbling the words of some song, across the top of the car to Nathan. "I like to swim in that river. You'll like it too, when I teach you how."
"Is your girlfriend named Evelyn?"
Have the crickets ever sung so loud before? Roy seems to be asking this with his sudden astonished look of listening. Opening the car door, swinging it outward slowly, he says, "Yeah. I told you that."
The assertion dies in the air between them. Nathan eases himself into the passenger seat. Roy's weight settles into place behind the steering wheel.
"I was only asking."
"It's okay." Roy starts the car, looking straight ahead. The car rolls forward.
They follow the course of the river along the road, tall pines looming over them. Darkness drinks the headlights. Nathan finds it hard to talk, for the first time. Roy asks, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You're not talking much." "I'm just quiet. That's all." "Are you having a good time?" "Yes."
"You want to go somewhere now? You want to go to a movie? I don't mind."
But Roy drives instead, down Island Creek Road to Catfish Lake, then back to the millpond and along the quiet streets of Potter's Lake, then along another road behind Riggs town. Roy parks the car at the end of a dead-end fork. Abrupt silence when the motor dies. Trees press close on all sides. Roy sits tensely, gripping the steering wheel as if the car still moves. Nathan waits. Roy's knuckles whiten. He faces Nathan as if with much effort. "You mind?"
"What?"
"Coming out here."
Nathan slides across the car. He can smell Roy's sweetish breath. Their faces are close and their bodies aware of each other again.
"No, I don't mind."
"We can go to a movie sometime too." Where words were easy before, they suddenly come hard. Roy blushes and seems terribly confused. Nathan wonders if he is remembering the conversation about Evelyn. "I ain't trying to hurt anybody," Roy says. "You don't hurt anybody"
Roy is searching for something now, and Nathan waits. Finally, in a jerky motion, Roy leans forward and kisses Nathan on the mouth. The kiss is wet and cool. A sweetness fills Nathan. Roy waits. Their cheeks are almost brushing. "Touch me," Roy says.
Nathan slides his hands around Roy's neck. Their hearts are pounding now, they can feel the acceleration. The choruses of night insects rise around the car, high pitched, almost frantic.
Suddenly Nathan feels older than Roy, and from within him comes some force in answer to Roy's fear. He moves with surety, kissing Roy's face, reaching for Roy's shirt, making each motion easy and gentle, what he understands will answer Roy's need. Nathan leads Roy quietly in the car. The passenger cabin offers the most protection they have ever had.
It is a gamble. Nathan must never reach for too much, he has learned better. The trick is to gain access to the knowledge he has stored inside, without remembering how it got there. To move in a way he knows will please Roy without revealing the knowledge, which has a source. The motion of their bodies becomes a balancing act. They have abandoned most of their clothes and Roy is lost in the sensation of Nathan. Nathan has been kissing Roy's cock with his mouth but then rises over it and presses it against his buttocks. Roy groans in surprise as Nathan guides him inside and they finish in violence, straining and sour. They lie quietly on the seat and Nathan feels the difference. Then Roy's confusion, his anger. Nathan comes back into his body. Roy watches him with a kind of horror and suspicion.
There is a deadly pause.
"Who taught you how to screw like that?"
Nathan tries to draw away, but Roy grips his arms. "Where did you learn? Answer me. Who have you been screwing like that?"
Nathan remains too stunned to answer and shakes his head. Roy takes deep breaths, a savage look in his eyes. His grip on Nathan's arm tightens. "Nobody taught me," Nathan says.
"You're lying."
"No, I'm not."
Roy raises his hand and Nathan flinches, cowers suddenly. Roy sees the hand and the recoil. He studies Nathan as if for the first time. As if he has never known Nathan before.
