"Say what? I said what I was going to say."
"Say that persuading somebody to try something is exactly the way you've governed for the past three-and-a-half decades."
"I don't have to say what you already know."
"Don't die," said Sel.
"I'm so touched," said Vitaly. "But don't you see? I want to. I'm done. Used up. I went off to war and we fought it and won it and then Ender Wiggin won the battle of the home world and all the buggers down here died. Suddenly I'm not a soldier anymore. And I was a soldier, Sel. Not a bureaucrat. Definitely not a governor. But I was admiral, I was in command, it was my duty, and I did it."
"I'm not as dutiful as you."
"I'm not talking about you now, dammit, you'll do whatever you want. I'm talking about me. I'm telling you what to say at my damn funeral!"
"Oh."
"I didn't want to be governor. I fully expected to die in the war, but the truth is, I no more thought about the future than you did. We were coming to this place, we were trained to be ready to survive on this formic colony world, but I thought that would all be your job, you and the other techs, while I commanded the fighting, the struggle against the hordes of formics coming over the hill, burrowing up underneath us—you have no idea the nightmares I had about the occupation, the clearing, the holding. I was afraid there wouldn't be enough bullets in the world. I thought we'd die."
"Then Ender Wiggin disappointed you."
"Yes. Selfish little brat. I'm a soldier, and he took my war out from under me."
"And you loved him for it."
"I did my duty, Sel. I did my duty."
"So have I," said Sel. "But I won't do yours."
"You will when I'm gone."
"You won't be alive to see."
"I have hopes of an afterlife," said Vitaly. "I'm not a scientist, I'm allowed to say so."
"Most scientists believe in God," said Sel. "Certainly most of us here."
"But you don't believe I'll be alive to see what you're doing."
"I'd like to think that God has better things for you to do. Besides, the heaven around here is a formic heaven. I hope God will let whatever part of you lives on go back to the heaven where all the humans are."
"Or the hell," said Vitaly.
"I forgot what pessimists you Russians are."
"It's not pessimism. I just want to be where all my friends are. Where my father is, the old bastard."
"You didn't like him? But you want to be with him?"
"I want to beat up the old drunkard! Then we'll go fishing."
"So it won't be heaven for the fish."
"It'll be hell for everybody. But with good moments."
"Just like our lives right now," said Sel.
Vitaly laughed. "Soldiers shouldn't do theology."
"Xenobiologists shouldn't do government."
"Thank you for making my deathbed so full of uncertainty."
"Anything to keep you entertained. And now, if you don't mind, I have to feed the pigs."
Sel left and Vitaly lay there, wondering if he should get out of bed and just send the message himself.
No, his decision was right. He didn't want to have any sort of conversation with Ender. Let him get the letter when it's too late to answer it, that was the plan and it was a good one. He's a smart kid, a good boy. He'll do what he needs to do. I don't want him asking my advice because he doesn't need it and he might follow it.
To: GovDes%ShakespeareCol@ColMin.gov/voy
From: GovAct%ShakespeareCol@colmin.gov
Re: You will get this when I'm dead
Dear Ender,
I put it bluntly in the subject line. No beating around the bush. I'm writing this as I feel the seeds of death in me. I will arrange for it to be sent after they have done with me.
I expect my successor to be Sel Menach. He doesn't want the job, but he is widely liked and universally trusted, which is vital. He will not try to cling to his office when you arrive. But if it is not him, you'll be on your own and I wish you luck.
You know how hard it will be for my little community. For thirty-six years, we've been living and giving in marriage. The new generation has already restored the gender balance; there are grandchildren nearly of marrying age. Then your ship will come and suddenly we will be five times the population, and only one in five will be of our original group. It will be hard. It will change everything. But I believe that I know you now, and if I'm right, then my people have nothing to fear. You will help the new colonists adapt to our ways, wherever our ways make sense for this place. You will help my people adapt to the new colonists, wherever they must because the ways of Earth make sense.
In a way, Ender, we are the same age, or at least in the same stage of life. We long since left our families behind. As far as the world is concerned, we stepped into an open grave and disappeared. This has been the afterlife for me, the career after my career ended, the life after my life ended. And it has been a good one. It has been heaven. Busy, frightening, triumphant, and finally peaceful. May it be the same for you, my friend. However long it is, may you be glad of each day of it.
