— No you listen she was here that night, did you know that? Here waiting for him when he came back right out in the hall there waiting she finally admitted it, broke down here this morning admitted she’d been…
— Wait she couldn’t have been there when he…
— Hid she hid, she watched him come in hid in the stairwell in the dark there sneaked out when he got inside I told you that night didn’t I! that she could have stopped him? that she was…
— Tom?
— What?
— Nobody’s blaming you for Schramm.
— What do you, what the hell do you mean nobody’s blaming me who’s blaming me!
— I just said Tom, nobody.
— But why did you say it what the hell made you say a thing like that you, you know damn well she’s the only reason I let him leave that night, last shred of confidence as a man he was down there with those lines of Tolstoy there was something terribly lacking between what I felt and what I could do and she, she might as well have strangled him herself that knot between her legs she…
— Christ look can’t you see it wasn’t any of that! it was, it was worse than that? It was whether what he was trying to do was worth doing even if he couldn’t do it? whether anything was worth writing even if he couldn’t write it? Hopping around with that God damned limp trying to turn it all into something more than one more stupid tank battle one more stupid God damned general, trying to redeem the whole God damned thing by…
— Yes that folder of his, have you seen it? Old manila folder you were waving it around at Beamish that night? Jack?
— What.
— Meant to tell you I found a letter from Beamish in this mess we each owe Schramm’s estate sixty-eight dollars for estate taxes, has to be paid before these bequests can be handed out reminds me these papers I told him I’d give Mrs Schramm, I found them in the pocket of this jacket this morning completely forgot to, what’s the matter.
— Never mind. Look, do you want something to eat?
— Eat? I thought there was something you wanted to talk about.
— Just going to tell you I spent the morning down at the hospital being tested, they…
— What are you upset about then aren’t I the one who’s been telling you to see a doctor? Where did you go, I…
— Went down to…
— Should have gone in myself while I still had that company insurance plan, this pain I’ve been getting right under here it’s…
— Wait tell me about your eye Tom, first tell me all about your eye.
— My eye?
— Detached retina, told me you had a detached retina…
— Oh, oh you know what happened I think it healed itself, the doctor I called said that was practically unknown in medical…
— And your tooth yes I meant to ask about your tooth, reminded me of that great line of Pascal’s about toothache how the hell’s your tooth.
— My too…
— Angry looking vein in your forehead there too, hope it’s not…
— Look Jack what the hell are you trying to…
— Trying to tell you I’m going to die.
— To, what do you…
— Told me I’ve got leukemia haven’t long to live that’s all.
— But you, who told you who…
— Blood tests laboratory doctors the whole God damned crew down there, got a white count up in the bil…
— No but look that’s absurd you couldn’t just…
— Why what’s wrong with being absurd, people all over the place being broiled like chops on the highway getting heart attacks cancer dandruff I just drew one that’s…
— And look Jack don’t try to pretend to me you don’t think it’s serious, you…
— Well God damn it I know it’s serious! what do you think I, told me to come back in the morning to check it but good Christ…
— Why didn’t they just keep you there if they really thought you no look Freddie, Jack ask him not to fool with that marionette will you, I’ve been…
— Not hurting it Tom the God damned thing’s already…
— No but I’ve been trying to fix it I thought I’d take it up to him next time, familiar old toys they might give him back a little sense of security Jack we, we told him about it yesterday the worst thing I’ve ever been through. She wanted me to tell him I said look damn it you’re the one who’s done it who’s moved out you tell him he just stood there he, he turned and walked out he hardly made it Jack I went out and found him just standing there carried him back in crying all he could say was, was wouldn’t I, wouldn’t I be lonely can’t even talk about it…
— Tom there’s noth…
