— Young writer I gave him my play to read strange I’ve never heard from him, he really pressed me for a look at it I thought he could read it with a fresh eye sort of this generation point of view he showed up there one day in my office just before I quit, said he was a great admirer of my novel did I ever tell you what that secretary asked me Jack? Girl named Carol she’d just heard I’d written a book she was really wide eyed, first the standard what’s it about how long is it how long did it take you and then do you know what she said? Where are you going…
— Get some grape drink. Like some grape drink Freddie?
— Jack what the hell is this about grape drink haven’t you got some scotch?
— Just grape drink Tom, acquired taste have to get used…
— No look something like this happening and you’re drinking grape drink Jack what do you…
— Like what Tom. Something like what.
— I mean your, what you just said they told you at the hospital what do you think I…
— Just didn’t think you’d heard me.
— What do you mean of course I heard you, why I can’t see you sitting here waiting for the phone drinking grape drink with this hanging over your…
— Because I don’t want to show up full of scotch when she calls can’t you see that! because it’s going to be hard enough to, to tell her this, about this book tell her I’ll never finish it never write it Christ one thing the one God damned thing she ever really thought I…
— Wait what’s that, listen…
— What…
— No I thought I heard something, somebody out there at the door did I bring in those cigarettes?
— Right there under your…
— Yes and Carol I was telling you did I tell you? what she said? She asked me if it was interesting, if my novel was interesting imagine asking a novelist that? if his novel’s interesting?
— Really can’t, Tom. Imagine that Freddie? Asking a nov…
— No it’s strange you know that sense of order you get in an office I almost miss it? that sense of intimacy this girl Carol she’d sit on the edge of my desk God I really was stupid you know? short yellow dress probably why she sat that way look right up wherever I look I, Jack I took David for a walk in the woods yesterday even looking up at a tree that open scar where a branch is gone that long oval shaggy edge like the lips pulled open God even coffee this morning, pouring milk from the carton how it comes out in spurts Jack I’ve got to tell you this I, last night coming back I stopped for a light down on Third a girl came over and, she came up to the car ten dollars a french right there in the car all I had was a twenty she said she, she said I live right in here my sister can change it Jack I gave her the twenty I just gave it to her, sat there waiting I sat there watching the building waiting for her to come out I must have sat there for ten minutes before I, till I finally…
— Really can’t give me this can you Tom.
— What give you what…
— Never mind look, do you want something to eat?
— No now wait give you what I, Jack I just told you something I’d never tell anybody all you can say is…
— I said never mind God damn it do you want…
— No now wait damn it this book is that what you mean this book? this excuse you’ve got now for not writing this book you’ve been…
— Excuse Tom Jesus!
— I just meant look I mean being objective Jack facing it honestly instead of this turning it into this Tolstoy play this, to make the whole world know what it lost that’s all I’m saying, this I shall write nothing the world will have to understand all by itself…
— Even take this away wouldn’t you Tom, even try to take this away wouldn’t you.
— All right listen do you know what I found on the floor here cleaning up? Your notes all your notes for this book I put them up here look, footmarks pages torn look at them Jack it was all over before you found this out wasn’t it, before you even went down to the hosp…
— Like that string there, God damned wad of gum on that string out there rain or shine hope they’d get that God damned quarter you couldn’t even let them have that, could you Tom.
— No now wait…
— You hungry Freddie?
— No wait listen can’t you see what I, Jack I stopped at a diner last night on the way down sitting alone at that counter I could feel a, grilled cheese sandwich I could almost feel a head inside mine chewing I could hear it like a hollow, like an old head like an old head inside mine chewing I even looked around to see if anybody else heard it or, or saw it God can’t you see what…
— Look just tell me one…
— Cigarette look at the end of it’s wet teeth separating I mean can’t you see what I…
— Look Tom, do you want any of this God damned veal Marengo or not.
— No I, no…
— You Freddie? What do you, wait what the hell’s going on out there…
— Is that, sounds like somebody at the door…
— First class funeral out front three, four black Cadillacs bastards came a little early didn’t they move your, here get Moody’s out of the way sit right here Freddie vea pasar los cadáveres de sus enemigos how’s that.
— Jack? Man at the door here you’d better talk to him he…
