“No, I brought some rum from Cuba and plan to make pitchers of mojitos. I also brought some Cuban cigars. I thought it would remind us of last year and us all drinking scotch.”
Greg agreed I had a plan.
◊◊◊
When everyone came back, Phil was excited.
“I caught a walleye from the dock.”
Dad showed us a picture of it on his phone. It looked to be about twenty inches, a nice eating size.
“What did you do with him?” Greg asked.
“He got away,” Phil admitted.
Phil washed his hands, and we all found seats in the great room.
“I have a treat: I made mojitos and have Cuban cigars,” I announced.
Phil looked at Dad, and he nodded. Greg helped me get everyone a glass and a cigar. I skipped the cigar because I never wanted to get into the habit.
“These are good,” Uncle John said, tasting the drink. “Phil, go easy. They’ll sneak up on you.”
Paul demonstrated the proper way to clip the end off the cigar and how to light it. Paul had become an expert while in Cuba. I helped Phil get his lit, then shook my head when he took a big drag on it and had a coughing fit. I handed him his drink.
“Here, drink this. It’ll help,” I suggested.
Greg smacked me when he downed his drink.
“He has to learn sometime,” I said in my defense.
I got him another drink.
“To really appreciate your cigar, smoke it slowly and don’t draw too frequently, which will heat it and spoil the taste. You should take about a puff a minute and never inhale it. Phil showed you why,” Paul suggested.
All I knew was the cabin now reeked of cigar smoke. I hoped we wouldn’t get in trouble for that.
We all talked for a while, unwinding. Everyone was on their second drink when Uncle John began his talk.
“Thank you, David. Last year it was a scotch tasting, and this year, good rum. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next year.”
“Wait, I thought the youngest had to supply the alcohol,” I said.
“I think I would rather you were in charge. You haven’t steered us wrong yet,” Dad said.
Next year I would have to bring something like Goldschläger. I would be off the hook after that. I still remembered having blacked out at Northwestern after drinking that stuff. Everyone said I had a good time.
“This year, I want to talk about circles of trust. With the changes in David’s life, he needs a conceptual framework to help him deal with people he trusts to varying degrees. Trusting the wrong person can have devastating results, as he’s learned the hard way, and as a consequence, we have Paul with us.
“Besides, dealing appropriately with people where trust can be an issue is something that he’ll have to do for the rest of his life. With a little knowledge and some forethought and preparation, though, he can make it easier on himself,” Uncle John said.
“It’s not just David. This is important for all of you to learn,” Dad pointed out.
“I agree that this can help each of us deal with people better, and avoid some pitfalls,” Uncle John said.
“Let me give you an example. Research shows that there are people with self-important personalities who tend to manipulate others for their own gain. They can seem charming on first impression. They’re also likely to have high-status jobs or positions. While being successful doesn’t equate to someone you can’t trust, it is a potential indicator. They’ve learned to use others to get ahead.
“So how do you identify someone who’s out to take advantage of you? You need to look at how your brain is wired,” Uncle John explained.
What I liked about my uncle’s lectures was that he didn’t just give you his opinion; he had data to back it up.
“Remember when I told you that when you feel like you’re in danger, you probably are? Yet we convince ourselves that we should ignore our instincts, and that’s when we get ourselves in trouble. It’s the same way with trust.
“I read a study that showed that our brains take just three-hundredths of a second, much less time than an eyeblink, to decide trustworthiness. Our judgment of how trustworthy someone is occurs even before we know who the person is. The researchers concluded that this ability was important to our ancestors and helped them survive. It’s similar to the danger vibe you might get,” Uncle John said.
“How do you decide who you can trust?” Greg asked.
“Besides your gut, there are ways to help figure it out. Here are a few steps you can take to help you make better decisions.
“The first is to be wary of anyone who gives you the hard sell. Decisions you make on impulse are usually not as good for you as decisions you make after thinking things over. Anyone using a hard sell is counting on that, and he or she will try to push you into a decision. You see this in retail when they give you an artificial deadline or give you the impression of scarcity of a product.
