“Okay, these circles represent what I call ‘circles of trust.’ Let’s start with the innermost circle in the top group. That circle represents you.
“That circle is there for a specific reason. Ultimately, at the end of everything, you have to be able to trust and believe in yourself. What it all comes down to is that you are the person who makes decisions regarding your life, or at least you should be. And both the big ones and the little ones count. In fact, it’s the little decisions, like deciding to run in the morning rather than sleep in, that add up to the big ones. Those big ones determine the direction your life will take.
“You can and should get advice from trusted people. Look at what David does. He finds mentors to guide him. There has to be a level of trust to allow them to help him make decisions, but in the end, he has to determine what to do with that advice.
“Not all decisions will warrant a mentor, but if you’re not sure, find someone who you can count on as a sounding board. The key is that ultimately, you have to make the decision. That means you must believe in yourself. There’s a saying by a great NFL quarterback: ‘If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else believe in you?’”
Uncle John looked down at the clipboard, then back up at us.
“The second circle represents the people you can share your deepest feelings and dreams with. These are the people you can tell anything to and know they’ll support you. These are people like your spouse, perhaps parents, children, and family. You can do that because you know they have your best interests at heart.
“Now, keep in mind that not all family members may be a part of your inner circle. And there may—
“The third circle represents people you’ve shared a lot of experiences with and who you trust to have your back in most situations. As a general rule, you won’t trust them quite as much as close family. But you do trust them a lot because you’ve seen over time that they almost always do what they say. And especially because you’ve seen their actions aren’t selfish or completely self-centered. This group can include close friends, best friends, coaches you share a special bond with, people like that. This third group is your core group of people you want to surround yourself with. These are the people who you can trust to lift you up, rather than drag you down.
“The next group includes people you trust to a more limited extent. This fourth circle represents people you probably consider friends, but not close friends. They may have their own agendas. This group represents people you know and get along with well. But the nature of your relationship is more dealing with each other from the perspective of enlightened, generally positive, self-interest. You know them, you may like them, you deal with them pleasantly. But you likely won’t let your boundaries of close trust down around them without a lot more interaction and evaluation, whether you realize you’re doing it or not.
“The fifth circle represents people you trust in specific situations. An example might be your accountant. You might trust them with your books, but you would never share other things with them. As far as you’re concerned, they’re going to deal with you because it benefits them—enlightened self-interest again. But they also tend to value their relationships with you on a more long-term basis. Some long-term business associates and some coaches likely fall into this category.
“Then, outside that circle and above the center line, as a general proposition, you have everyone else. These are people you don’t know well or don’t know at all. It’s not that you have reason to trust or mistrust them, you simply lack sufficient information. You may not have any reason to get more information to make that evaluation,” Uncle John said.
He sat back at this point and looked at us all. He took a deep breath and continued.
“Now, we’re going to be doing more with this over the next few days, but let’s stop for now. Each of you may want to think about trying to put names to the circles. By the end of the week, you’ll all have done that, very likely on your own, just because you’re thinking about it and how it applies to you. For now, sleep on it. If you have questions, we can talk about them together in the morning. Or, if it’s something you’re not ready to talk about in front of everyone, you can ask me privately.”
◊◊◊
Dad cornered me after the talk.
“How many drinks did you feed Phil?”
Uh, oh, I was busted.
“Six,” I confessed.
“If he pukes, you get to clean it up,” he warned.
Now that wasn’t part of the plan to corrupt my little brother. I walked over and took his drink away. It looked like he’d had enough, anyway. I guided him to bed, and he just collapsed with his clothes on and giggled. That probably wasn’t good.
