‘Thanks. You think somebody’s gonna try and whack Ho?’
‘Not in here, probably. Or not a professional. A punter might.’
‘He seems to have plenty of friends.’
‘He’s buying plenty of drinks. There’s a difference.’
Kim, if that’s who she was, was now dancing with one of the other boys in the group, and Ho was watching them, a tight smile on his face.
Louisa said, ‘Ah, that’s sad, never mind.’
‘Why would anyone want to blow up a pool full of penguins?’
She’d been wondering that too. ‘The Watering Hole,’ she said. ‘That’s what it was called.’
‘You think it was some madman?’
‘Can’t think of a sane motive.’
‘Maybe there’s a link with Abbotsfield.’
Louisa couldn’t see how. ‘Unless something just infects the air. Some kind of bloodlust, where you don’t even care what it is that’s bleeding.’
Shirley was suddenly there. ‘Did you get me a beer?’
‘No,’ Louisa explained. ‘Because we didn’t know when you’d get here, and we didn’t feel like buying you a drink.’
Shirley squeezed onto the banquette, where she could share the view. She took in Ho – still oblivious to their presence – and the direction of his gaze. ‘Who’s the cock candy?’
‘That would be Kim.’
‘Ho is dicking
‘How was the AFM?’ River asked.
‘Over.’
‘Maybe you could celebrate by getting a round in,’ Louisa suggested.
‘I’m a girl. Girls don’t buy drinks in nightclubs.’
They both looked at River.
‘Oh, great.’
‘We won’t let anyone kill him while you’re gone.’
‘Don’t do me any favours.’
He went to fetch more beers, and by the time he got back Louisa was telling Shirley her idea for a TV show, which would open with a view of Tom Hiddleston walking down a long, long corridor, shot from behind.
River waited. ‘Then what?’ he asked at last.
But the women had misted over, and didn’t hear him.
Eventually Kim stopped dancing and sat next to Ho. The view became restricted, with the dance floor fully occupied, and the music grew louder, battling with the aggregated noise of mating rituals. River watched these with the air of a man trying to remember a long-discarded habit.
‘Taking notes?’ Louisa asked.
‘When women touch their hair it’s a sign of sexual attraction, right?’
‘Can be. But some men just make women feel like they’ve got nits.’
Shirley said, ‘He’s leaving.’
He’d played it cool. Chicks like Kim, his girlfriend, they kept you on your toes: knowing you were alpha, they felt compelled to grade the other males too. He’d seen a documentary on the subject. It was about turtles, but same difference. He’d had a laugh with the other guys anyway, and bought a few drinks, and now he was heading home in a taxi, Kim right next to him – going back to his place – and once she’d finished texting she’d probably snuggle up, get them both in the mood. Not that he needed help. Fact was, he was in the mood anytime Kim was near, though the stresses of her job – she worked in retail – meant she was usually too fatigued or headachey. But still. Here she was.
The Rodster getting into gear now. This was going to be oh so smooth.
‘Who you texting, babes?’
‘… Huh?’
‘Who you texting?’
A streetlight they were passing under caught her face in its glow.
‘… No one.’
They were about ten minutes from home. The driver glanced in the rear-view and his gaze met Roddy’s. Yeah, thought Roddy. You wish. He put a hand on Kim’s shoulder and felt her tense. Excitement. You and me both, babes. He started planning the order of events: bit of mood music, a celebratory drink. He had a bottle of fizz in the fridge for exactly this situation. It wasn’t vintage, or hadn’t been when he bought it, but it would hit the spot.
Bring it on.
Louisa kept the taxi in view the whole journey. It wasn’t the hardest tail job in the world, particularly as it was going back the way they’d come earlier. Getting their collective heads round what they’d seen, Roderick Ho heading home in a taxi with a woman, was a trickier business.
‘What the hellfuck is going on?’ Shirley asked.
‘Roddy’s taking a girl home,’ River said, in a stunned tone.
‘I know. That’s why I’m asking. He’s a brand ambassador for twattery. How come he’s pulled?’
‘We knew he had a girlfriend,’ Louisa said. ‘He’s mentioned it a couple of times.’
‘Yeah,’ objected Shirley. ‘But I didn’t think she actually existed. Let alone looked like that.’
A brief poll they’d taken had Kim an eight and a half, possibly a nine.
‘Did you see her skin? It’s fucking flawless.’
‘Are you switching sides again?’ asked River. ‘You were mooning about Tom Hiddleston’s bum an hour ago.’
Shirley didn’t dignify that with a response. It was up to Louisa to explain: ‘Tom Hiddleston’s bum transcends gender preference.’
River said, ‘Anyway, maybe we’re missing the point. Maybe she’s the one trying to kill Ho. In which case, going home with him is part of her plan.’
‘I so want that to be true,’ said Shirley.
