“Well they are sorta our allies…” shrugged Primakov, “we never thought about our friends.”
“Fuck your enemies hard… fuck your friends harder… isn’t that like your KGB motto?”
Primakov stoutly defended his former employer, “You know, technically I might not even be KGB… I graduated in the transition years between the KGB and the FSB, and all we did was talk about chicks…”
Korlov looked on sheepishly as an overhead counter notified everyone that 400 British nukes had been assigned to the Ob River.
Antipin was now concerned about other potential ICBM challengers. “There is also India with 100, Pakistan probably same, North Korea 2000…”
The President interjected at the citing of Upper Korea. “I wouldn’t worry about North Korea. We can trust our boy…”
“Madam with all due respect…”
“Leave it Luzkhov. No more crazy talk about the Great Leader. In fact, I think the he is set to become our staunchest ally.”
“Pyongyang silos totally silent. No missile launches,” confirmed Korlov.
Antipin was unmoved, “But that still leaves us with China and the sub-continent.”
President Petrova put her foot down, “Well, we will deal with the Chinese and Indians diplomatically… numerically they are chickenfeed.”
The situation room was getting balmy. Whoa, it was already happening.
Antipin had one more question. Stealing the bulk of the western armament had been easy enough, but now came the hard part. “Mueller, it’s great that the Americans and the rest of the world have been rendered toothless, but… but… how long can we hold this advantage? I mean they still have their factories, their uranium mines, their enriching facilities, their titanium capabilities… NASA… like whats the long-term endgame here?”
Luzkhov added, “Plus the Americans could easily build their own
Mueller and Otto scratched their beardless chins in mock amusement.
“Well?”
Otto finally put up his hand and said, “Well, how long did it take for the android to catch up to the great phone?”
“Years… but still, not close enough,” said Mueller.
“And how long did it take to get ‘close’?” asked Otto.
“Say 6–7 years.”
“Which in the world of advanced weaponry translates to…”
“6 to 7 decades… 70 years…”
The President seemed to buy it. Primakov wanted to take a dump. All the missile herding had been tiring. Korlov wanted some coffee but was afraid to jinx things.
Yuspov the Attorney General, wanted to have his name mentioned somewhere. So he said what he could, “Back in the day, we had our first nuke just 6 months after the Americans.”
“True but you gotta remember, back in the day, the Mac was thoroughly defeated by Windows.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
“It means we learn from our mistakes. Despite ganging up, the great phone has maintained the edge — technically and economically. Trust me, no one is going to make another
The situation room nodded doubtfully.
“Comrade Secretary, the US 7th fleet just fired over a 100 missiles — ICBMs. They are all headed north.”
“Well… fire our missiles at Taiwan, Japan, Seoul and Vancouver.”
“Did you say Vancouver…?”
“Yeah, the fucking Canadians rejected my uncle’s investor visa… he paid a million freaking dollars. Can you believe this bull shit?”
“Oh…”
“Yeah, let’s burn them.”
“It seems like there is a war, Mr. Defense Minister. Everybody is firing on everybody.”
“Has Pakistan fired?”
“Well Sir, our intel suggests that they have only one missile in flying condition. They are also short on missile fuel. So at the current state it can only make it as far as Lahore.”
The Indian Defense Minister howled with laughter, “It can’t even cross the border. Hahaha… Classic Pakistan.”
“Sir… Sir… this is kinda serious.”
“Haha… well… to tell you the truth, we also have only one.”
“Whaaat…? But… but… Jane’s Period says we have a 100.”
“Well, Jane and her gal pals also said that Pakistan has 110. All bull shit. Straight from the bull’s anus.”
“Oh… ok so should we send it… our one missile?”
“Young man, you see… once you send a missile… it’s never coming back… that’s it… gone… forever…”
“I don’t know Mr. Minister, but the entire world is sending theirs somewhere. If we don’t, we will look weak.”
The Defense Minister was growing tired of this chit chat about missiles. The Indian cricket team was out touring Jamaica, where there was a 12hr time difference. He needed to be fresh for the late night viewing.
“Ok enough of this crap… we are not wasting our missile on some enemy that’s not Pakistan… now get lost… wait get me some tea first…”
