Sir Roberto Rannaldini, the most successful but detested conductor in the world, had two ambitions: to seduce his ravishing nineteen-year-old stepdaughter, Tabitha Campbell-Black, and to put his mark on musical history by making the definitive film of Verdi's darkest opera, Don Carlos.As Rannaldini, Tristan, his charismatic French director, a volatile cast and bolshy French crew gather at Rannaldini's haunted abbey for filming, it is inevitable that violent feuds, abandoned bonking, temperamental screaming, and devious plotting will ensue. But although everyone wished Rannaldini dead, no one actually thought the Maestro would be murdered. Or that after the dreadful deed some very bizarre things would continue to occur.
J
AMES
B
ENSON
A very smooth, extremely expensive private doctor.
B
ETTY
One of Rannaldini’s pretty maids.
T
EDDY
B
RIMSCOMBE
Rannaldini’s head gardener, renowned for his green fingers and wandering hands.
M
RS
B
RIMSCOMBE
Rannaldini’s long-suffering housekeeper.
M
R
B
ROWN
An Australian racehorse owner.
M
ISS
B
USSAGE
Rannaldini’s PA — a gorgon.
R
UPERT
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Multi-millionaire owner/trainer, ex-Olympic show jumper and Minister for Sport. Director of Venturer Television. Still Mecca for most women.
T
AGGIE
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
His adored second wife — an angel.
M
ARCUS
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert’s son by his first marriage, recent winner of the Appleton International piano competition.
T
ABITHA
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Mistress of the Horse for
Rupert’s estranged daughter from his rider.
X
AVIER
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian son.
B
IANCA
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian daughter.
E
DDIE
C
AMPBELL
— B
LACK
Rupert’s father, five times married and raring to go. A sexual buccaneer of the old school.
B
RUCE
C
ASSIDY
Belegauered press officer for
Inevitably nicknamed ‘Hype-along’.
C
HLOE
C
ATFORD
Mellifluous mezzo soprano, and compilation queen. Sings Princess Eboli in
Significant Other Woman in several marriages.
G
IUSEPPE
C
AVALLI
Capricious Italian bass, the ghost of the Emperor Charles V in
The inamorato of Granville Hastings, he sings like an angel and drinks like a fish.
L
ADY
C
HISLEDON
A pillar of Paradise.
C
LIVE
Rannaldini’s sinister leatherclad henchman.
M
ISS
C
RICKLADE
Paradise village busybody.
H
OWIE
D
ENSTON
Artist’s agent and ghastly creep who runs London office of Shepherd Denston, toughest music agents in New York.
D
IZZY
Rupert Campbell-Black’s comely head groom.
D
ETECTIVE
S
ERGEANT
K
EVIN
F
ANSHAWE
Rutminster CID smoothie and new-style catcher of villains.
F
LORENCE
Hortense de Montigny’s ancient retainer.
C
HRISTY
F
OXE
Indefatigable PA during recording of
.
D
ETECTIVE
S
ERGEANT
T
IMOTHY
G
ABLECROSS
Old-style catcher of villains.
B
ERNARD
G
UÉRIN
Battle-scarred veteran. First assistant director,
, Tristan de Montigny’s
hand man, who acts as sergeant major keeping order on the set.
D
AME
H
ERMIONE
H
AREFIELD
World-famous diva and Rannaldini’s mistress. Seriously tiresome, brings out Crippen in all.
B
OB
H
AREFIELD
Her charming, mostly absentee husband, longterm lover of Meredith Whalen.
L
ITTLE
C
OSMO
H
AREFIELD
Hermione’s fiendish nine-year-old son. Could give lessons to Damien in
.
E
ULALIA
H
ARRISON
A frumpy feature writer.
G
RANVILLE
‘G
RANNY
’ H
ASTINGS
English bass, singing the Grand Inquisitor in
Outwardly cosy old pussy-cat.
L
YSANDER
H
AWKLEY
Formerly a man who made husbands jealous, now happily married to Rannaldini’s third wife Kitty. Rupert Campbell-Black’s assistant.
T
HE
R
EV
P
ERCIVAL
H
ILLARY
A portly parson, who confines his pastoral visits to drinks time.
G
EORGE
H
UNGERFORD
An extremely successful property developer, chief executive of Rutminster Symphony Orchestra. Live-in lover of Flora Seymour.
J
ANICE
Rannaldini’s head groom.
J
ESSICA
Ravishing production secretary,
.
B
EATTIE
J
OHNSON
A seductive, totally unprincipled journalist.
S
EXTON
K
EMP
An extremely fly East End film producer. Chief Executive of Liberty Productions, who are making
.
L
UCY
L
ATIMER
Make-up artist on
Still centre and agony aunt to entire cast and crew.
C
LAUDINE
L
AUZERTE
Actress and Gallic goddess, married to a French government minister.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
L
IGHTFOOT
Eager young constable, traumatized by steamy stint at the 1991 Valhalla orgy.
I
SA
L
OVELL
A brilliant, obsessive jump jockey. A Heathcliff of the gallops.
J
AKE
L
OVELL
His father, ex-world show jumping champion. Now National Hunt trainer.
T
ORY
L
OVELL
Isa’s mother and Jake’s wife — loving and super-efficient, a hard act for a daughter-in-law to follow.
M
ARIA
An ace cook.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
D
EBBIE
M
ILLER
A pulchritudinous policewoman.
C
OLIN
M
ILTON
Once-great tenor now playing Count Lerma, the Spanish ambassador in
Old sweetie, eminently bullyable.
É
TIENNE DE
M
ONTIGNY
France’s greatest painter and national hero.
A
LEXANDRE DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s pompous eldest son, a judge.
H
ORTENSE DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s sister — a blue-blooded battle-axe.
S
IMONE DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s granddaughter and Alexandre’s daughter. In charge of continuity,
.
T
RISTAN DE
M
ONTIGNY
Étienne’s youngest son and Rannaldini’s godson. Director,
.
D
ETECTIVE
C
ONSTABLE
K
AREN
N
EEDHAM
The belle of the Bill.
O
GBORNE
Chief grip,
.
L
ORD
(D
ECLAN
) O’H
ARA OF
P
ENSCOMBE
Recently ennobled television megastar, managing director of Venturer Television and Rupert Campbell-Black’s father-in-law.
V
IKING
O’N
EILL
Golden boy and first horn of Rutminster Symphony Orchestra.
O
SCAR
Deceptively indolent director of photography,
