Shantaram полностью

She didn’t tell me who they were. She didn’t tell me why they considered her a target, or what they planned to do with her if they caught her. I didn’t ask. I should’ve asked her, of course. It would’ve saved me a lot of trouble. In the long run, it might’ve saved a life or two. But I wasn’t really interested in Ulla. I wanted to know about Karla.

‘She’s in Goa,’ Ulla said, when we’d checked her out of her hotel.

‘Where in Goa?’

‘I don’t know. One of the beaches.’

‘There’s a lot of beaches in Goa, Ulla.’

‘I know, I know,’ she whined, flinching at my irritated tone.

‘You said you know where she is.’

‘I do. She’s in Goa. I know she’s in Goa. She wrote to me, from Mapusa. I got her last letter only yesterday. She’s somewhere near Mapusa.’

I relaxed a little. We loaded her belongings into the waiting cab, and I gave the driver directions to Abdullah’s apartment in Breach Candy. I checked the streets around us carefully, and was fairly sure that we weren’t being watched. When the cab moved off I sat back in silence for a while, watching the dark streets run in the window.

‘Why did she leave?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘She must’ve said something to you. She’s a talkative girl.’

Ulla laughed.

‘She didn’t say to me anything about leaving. If you want to know what I think, I am in the opinion that she left because of you.’

My love for Karla cringed at the thought. My vanity preened itself in the flattery. I smothered the conflict in a harsher tone.

‘There must be more to it. Was she afraid of something?’

Ulla laughed again.

‘Karla’s not afraid of anything.’

‘Everyone’s afraid of something.’

‘What are you afraid of, Lin?’

I turned, slowly, to stare at her, searching in the faint light for some hint of spite, some hidden meaning or allusion in the question.

‘What happened on the night you were supposed to meet me at Leopold’s?’ I asked her.

‘I couldn’t make it that night. I was prevented from coming there. Modena, him and Maurizio, they changed their plans at the last minute, and they stopped me.’

‘I seem to recall that you wanted me there because you didn’t trust them.’

‘That’s true. Well, I trust Modena, you know, kind of, but he is not strong against Maurizio. He can’t stay in his own mind, when Maurizio tells him what to do.’

‘That still doesn’t explain it,’ I grumbled.

‘I know,’ she sighed, clearly upset. ‘I’m trying to explain it. Maurizio, he had a deal planned-well, actually, he had a rip-off planned-and I was the one in the middle. Maurizio was using me because the men he was planning to steal money from, they liked me, and they kind of trusted me, you know how it is.’

‘Yeah, I know how it is.’

‘Oh, please, Lin, it wasn’t my fault that I wasn’t there that night. They wanted me to meet the customers, alone. I was afraid of those men, because I knew what Maurizio was planning to do, and that’s why I asked you to be with me, as my friend. Then, they changed their plans and we had the meeting all together, in another place, and I couldn’t get away to let you know about it. I tried to find you the next day, to explain to you and make an apology, but… you were gone. I looked everywhere, I promise you I did. I was very sorry that I didn’t go there to meet you at Leopold’s, like I promised you that night.’

‘When did you find out that I was in jail?’

‘After you got out. I saw Didier, and he told me that you looked terrible. That was the first thing that I… just a moment… do you… do you think I had something to do with you going in the prison? Is that what you think?’

I held the stare for a few seconds before replying.

‘Did you?’

‘Oh, fuck! Oh, God!’ she moaned, creasing her lovely face in miserable distress. She rocked her head from side to side swiftly, as if trying to prevent a thought or feeling from taking root. ‘Stop the car! Driver! Band karo! Abi, abi! Band karo!’ Now, now! Stop!

The cab driver pulled over to the pavement beside a row of shuttered shops. The street was deserted. He switched off the cab, and watched us in his rear-vision mirror.

Ulla tried to wrestle open the door. She was crying. In her agitation, she jammed the door handle, and the door wouldn’t open.

‘Take it easy,’ I said, prizing her hands gently from the handle and holding them in my own. ‘It’s okay. Take it easy.’

‘Nothing’s okay’ she sobbed. ‘I don’t know how we got in this mess. Modena, he’s not good at business. They messed everything up, him and Maurizio. They were cheating a lot of people, you know, and they just were always getting away with it. But not with these guys. They’re different. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. They’re going to kill us. All of us. And you think I put the police on you? For what reason, Lin? Do you think I am such a person? Am I so bad that you can think such a thing about me? What do you think I am?’