" I know. Hold the line, old man, and I will tell you all." I dare say you have had the experience of telling someone a longish story and getting on to the fact, half-way through, that you haven't got the sympathy of the audience. Most unpleasant sensation. I had it now. It was not that he said anything. But a sort of deleterious animal magnetism seemed to exude from him as I passed from point to point. More and more, as I proceeded, did the conviction steal over me that I was getting the silent raspberry. However, I carried on stoutly and, having related the salient facts, wound up with a pretty eloquent plea for the stearic matter. " Butter, Chuffy, old man," I said. " Slabs of butter.
If you have butter, prepare to shed it now. I'll just saunter about out here, shall I, while you pop to the kitchen and secure the stuff ? And you realise, don't you, that time is of the essence ? I shall only just be able to catch that train, as it is." He did not speak for a moment or two. When he did, there was such a nasty tinkle in his voice that I confess the heart sank. " Let me get all this straight," he said. " You want me to bring you butter ? " " That's the idea." " So that you can clean your face and go off on this train to London." " Yes." " Thus escaping from Mr. Stoker."
" That's right. Amazing the way you've followed it all," I said in a congratulatory sort of voice, deeming it best to suck up a bit and apply the old salve. " I don't suppose I know six fellows who would have grasped the plot with the same unerring accuracy. I've always thought highly of your intelligence, Chuffy, old man-very highly." But the heart was still sinking. And when I heard him snort emotionally in the darkness it touched a new low. " I see," he said. " In other words, you wish me to help you back out of your honourableobligations, what ? " "
What ? " " That's what I said- What ? ' Good God I " cried Chuffy, and I dare say he quivered from head to foot, but I couldn't see properly, it being too dark. " I didn't interrupt when you were telling me your degrading story, because I wanted to get it quite clear. Now, perhaps, you will let me say a word." He snorted a bit more. " You want to catch trains to London, do you ? I see. Well, I don't know what you think of yourself, Wooster, but, if you would care to know how your conduct strikes a perfectly unprejudicedoutsider, I don't mind informing you that in my opinion you are behaving like a hound, a skunk, a worm, a tick. and a wart hog. Good gosh! This beautiful girl loves you. Her father very decently consents to an early wedding. And instead of being delighted and pleased and tickled as-er-as anybody else would be, you are planning to edge away." " But, Chuffy . .
." " I repeat, to edge away. You are brutally and callously scheming to oil out, leaving this lovely girl to break her heart-deserted, abandoned, flung aside like a ... like a ... I shall forget my own name next . . . like a soiled glove." " But, Chuffy . . ." " Don't try to deny it." " But, dash it, it isn't as if she were in love with me." " Ha I Isn't she so infatuated with you that she swims ashore from yachts to get at you ? " " She loves you." " Ha I " " She does, I tell you. It was you she swam ashore last night to see. And she only took on this hinge of marrying me to score off you because you doubted her." " Ha I " " So take the sensible viewpoint, old man, and bring me butter." " Ha I " " I wish you wouldn't keep saying ' Ha I ' It doesn't advance the issue, and it sounds rotten. I must have butter, Chuffy. It is of the essence. If it be only a small pat, bring it out. Wooster speaking, old man-the chap you were at school with,the fellow you've known since he was so high.''
I paused. For a moment I had an idea
that this had done the trick. I felt his hand fall on my shoulder with a distinct kneading movement. At that instant I would have put my shirt on it that he was softened. And so he was, but not along the right lines. "
