A minute later Alyosha was sitting next to his brother. Ivan was alone, and was having dinner.
Chapter 3:
Ivan was not, however, in a private room. It was simply a place at the window separated by screens, but those who sat behind the screens still could not be seen by others. It was the front room, the first, with a sideboard along the wall. Waiters kept darting across it every moment. There was only one customer, a little old man, a retired officer, and he was drinking tea in the corner. But in the other rooms of the tavern there was all the usual tavern bustle, voices calling, beer bottles popping, billiard balls clicking, a barrel organ droning. Alyosha knew that Ivan hardly ever went to this tavern, and was no lover of taverns generally; therefore he must have turned up here, Alyosha thought, precisely by appointment, to meet with his brother Dmitri. And yet there was no brother Dmitri.
“I’ll order some fish soup for you, or something—you don’t live on tea alone, do you?” cried Ivan, apparently terribly pleased that he had managed to lure Alyosha. He himself had already finished dinner and was having tea.
“I’ll have fish soup, and then tea, I’m hungry,” Alyosha said cheerfully.
“And cherry preserve? They have it here. Do you remember how you loved cherry preserve at Polenov’s when you were little?”
“You remember that? I’ll have preserve, too, I still love it.”
Ivan rang for the waiter and ordered fish soup, tea, and preserve.
“I remember everything, Alyosha, I remember you till you were eleven, I was nearly fifteen then. Fifteen and eleven, it’s such a difference that brothers of those ages are never friends. I don’t even know if I loved you. When I left for Moscow, in the first years I didn’t even think of you at all. Later, when you got to Moscow yourself, it seems to me that we met only once somewhere. And now it’s already the fourth month that I’ve been living here, and so far you and I have not exchanged a single word. I’m leaving tomorrow, and I was sitting here now, wondering how I could see you to say good-bye, and you came walking along.”
“So you wished very much to see me?”
“Very much. I want to get acquainted with you once and for all, and I want you to get acquainted with me. And with that, to say good-bye. I think it’s best to get acquainted before parting. I saw how you kept looking at me all these three months, there was a certain ceaseless expectation in your eyes, and that is something I cannot bear, which is why I never approached you. But in the end I learned to respect you: this little man stands his ground, I thought. Observe that I’m speaking seriously, though I may be laughing. You do stand your ground, don’t you? I love people who stand their ground, whatever they may stand upon, and even if they’re such little boys as you are. In the end, your expectant look did not disgust me at all; on the contrary, I finally came to love your expectant look ... You seem to love me for some reason, Alyosha?”
“I do love you, Ivan. Our brother Dmitri says of you: Ivan is a grave. I say: Ivan is a riddle. You are still a riddle to me, but I’ve already understood something about you, though only since this morning!”
“What is it?” Ivan laughed.
“You won’t be angry?” Alyosha laughed, too.
“Well?”
“That you are just a young man, exactly like all other young men of twenty-three—yes, a young, very young, fresh and nice boy, still green, in fact! Well, are you very offended?”
