Nick said nothing, surprised at the outburst. What had he been like young, before everything turned to disappointment?
“Then let it go. Make peace.”
“I can’t,” his father said, quiet again. “I can’t let it go. For me it’s personal.” His voice picked up, ironic. “But for you. A spoil of war for your side. I owe that much.”
Nick lowered his voice, sensible. “You can’t go back, you know. It’s impossible.”
“No,” his father interrupted, “it’s possible. I have it all worked out. I can make it worth it to them.”
“Is it worth it to you? To go to prison? They’re all still there. Welles, all of them-Nixon’s the President, for God’s sake. There was a Communist in the State Department — you. Do you want to go through all that again?”
“I won’t go to prison,” he said calmly. “I’m an old man. Aside from anything else, there’s the statute of limitations. That ran out a long time ago. Anyway, I was never charged with anything. Who’s going to charge me now? The witch-hunts are over. Nobody wants that again.”
“Yes, they do. You were a spy. You said so. In public.”
“And now they’ll have a bigger one, brand-new. It can work, Nick. I’m not asking them to roast a fatted calf. Just make a quiet deal. They will.”
“It won’t be quiet,” Nick said, seeing the flashbulbs.
“Maybe they’ll like that. Who knows? Nobody’s ever asked to come home.”
Nick felt the sinking sensation again. The almost jaunty self-importance. The old game. One for our side. Brass bands and bunting. But that was now a country of the imagination, as distant as an old grudge. Maybe it happened like that. Maybe after all the years of dingy streets and bad clothes, America began to be a dream. He didn’t know he’d been forgotten.
“They’ll never let you go. Here.”
He turned to Nick. “That’s the risk. But I can do it.”
“I’ll come see you,” Nick said, a last try. “It’s easy for me. You don’t have to risk anything. We can start over.”
His father was quiet. “I don’t want to die here, Nick. Not here.” He placed his hand on Nick’s arm, a reassurance, not a plea. All worked out. “We’ll talk more,” he said, patting him. “Take that next turning, by the plum tree.”
The tree, heavy with blossoms, had scattered white markers over the one-lane road. Nick thought of Hansel’s pebbles, leading deeper into the forest. A mile later, they forked onto a narrower dirt road dotted with mud puddles.
“It’s almost time for lunch,” his father said, glancing at his watch. “I didn’t realize.”
“What kind of message?” Nick asked, still absorbed.
“Not now,” his father said quickly, as if they could be overheard. “And nothing in front of Anicka.”
“She doesn’t know?” Nick said.
“No. It could be dangerous for her.”
“Why does she think I’m here?”
“I wanted to see you, before it’s too late. It’s natural.”
“Yes,” Nick said flatly. A cover story.
“She’ll be worried,” his father said. “She worries when I’m late.”
They were in the garden, hammering in stakes for tomato vines. Anna wore rubber boots and worker’s overalls, which had the effect of making her look even broader, her hips ballooning out like Churchill’s in his siren suit. Nick thought of his mother at the embassy party, slim and glossy. Molly, holding the stakes, had rolled up her jeans and taken off her shoes, playing peasant in the mud. They had clearly been at it for some time, their faces damp with perspiration in the humid air.
Molly waved at the car and grinned, and he felt her smile like a wakening hand at his shoulder, something real again. Her hair, piled on her head, fell down in wisps around her face, but the back of her neck was clear, as white and vulnerable as a child’s. She seemed too fresh for the tired countryside, with her freckles and American teeth.
Anna wiped her hands and started over to them, her face tentative and somehow relieved. “We started. Before the rain comes. You had a good trip?” she said to Walter, glancing at Nick.
“Yes, perfect,” his father said easily, not answering her real question. “Here, let me help you with that.”
“No, no. You sit. I’ll start lunch.”
“She treats me like an invalid.”
“You are an invalid.”
“And you always expect rain,” he said, smiling.
She looked up at the cloudy sky, unimpressed by the patches of light breaking through, then leaned against him to take off her boots, holding on to his upper arm for support. “There are left a few,” she said to Nick, handing him a hammer. “You don’t mind? Your father should rest.”
“Sure,” Nick said automatically, staring down at her feet, surprisingly small and pale.
“Is there beer?” his father said.
“For you?”
“Anicka,” he drawled, a mock pout.
