“Alright, spit it out. What’s up with the fidgeting act?” I finally gave in to her blatant attempt to make me ask.
“Well ... when I go home ... you know, when we all get together, we normally...” She wanted to avoid speaking it out loud.
“ ... engage in a massive family orgy. Yes, I know. It wasn’t lost on me that I somehow found myself alone these last few Christmas Eves.”
“Well ... what if they, like, want me to join them? What do you want me to do?”
I blinked at her, unsure how to answer, since I had not expected that development. Was she seriously seeking permission to have sex with other people? What did she think we were to each other!?
“Personally, I’d say fuck ‘em.” I chuckled and got out of bed. “But you? We’re not a couple, Ava. There’s no love between us, so there are no feelings you could hurt by sleeping with someone else.”
I didn’t even realize how quiet it had gotten, until I turned around in search of my clothes and finally noticed the look on her face.
“You ... don’t ... love me?” She didn’t quite look like she was hurt, but certainly sad.
“I think we had that discussion before.” I replied, as diplomatic as I could.
“I just thought ... After how we were this last week...” she said in a weak voice.
“Ava, what do you think this is?” I asked while waving my hand from her to myself and back, getting more serious now, and she gave me an uncertain look. “This is not us becoming girlfriend and boyfriend. I think I made it very clear that I have no interest in being part of your family anymore, and that didn’t change. Did you think you could make up for the years you were shitting all over me, by spending a week as a decent human being and getting me off a few times?”
“No! ... Of course not.” She did, though. I could hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes when she denied it. “But I told you I’ll do anything you want! Just tell me what!” I believed to hear a smidge of disappointment underneath the desperation.
“You know, I’ve thought about this a lot since Danny asked me that same question. And I kinda got the conclusion that there isn’t some kind of great gesture you could pull off, that could somehow magically fix this. All nine of you made it
“Not me, though?” she asked, hopeful.
“I admit ... You, Danny, and John seem to be trying to do better.” I sighed. “When you asked me to help you make dinner, I could tell you never did that before, but wanted to learn. Since I did my own laundry in the house already, I also know that you never did that before either, but you did it here. Most importantly, though, you told me about the installment plans für tuitions, instead of covering for Aaron like you would have in the past. I appreciate that.”
I could literally see her eyes lighting up when I said that. Suddenly, however, she became pensive again.
“What if ... Mom is, like, not happy about Dad taking your money, either?” she said, carefully watching my reaction. “I think she knows about the payment options. And from what she told me on the phone the day before yesterday, I think she’s
“So?” I said, and she looked at me confused. “Okay. Let’s speculate for a bit. Since one of her more valued children left the house, she probably went directly into your room after we left, maybe sat on your bed, thought about you, and did all the other chliché shit mothers do when they miss a child that just moved out. Then she possibly found the financial paperwork you left on your desk.”
“How do you...?” She looked at me in almost shocked surprise, which told me that, what Claire had told her on the phone, was exactly what I had just surmised.
“I spent years trying to understand your behavior. I became quite good at it.” I waved her off. “Anyway, she knew since then. That was six days ago, Ava. In those six days, did she call me? Did she apologize? Did she do anything to get me my money back? No, she spent the last week bickering with her husband, but in the end, she just accepted the money and didn’t do shit about me being fucked over yet again.”
“But she really sounded like she was really mad with Dad. I think...” she tried, though I talked right over her.
