‘Perhaps glorious reunion has sapped all verve, then. Kruppe assumed sleep-addered indeed, given the man’s hapless and ineffectual perusal of this taproom — ah, at last he sees us!’
And both Scorch and Leff twisted round in their chairs to see Torvald Nom sauntering up and, noting the man’s broad smile, they were instantly relieved and then, just as quickly, nervous.
‘My apologies for being late,’ Torvald said, dragging up another chair. ‘I got a shave and the old woman threw in the buffing of my nails for free — said I was sur shy;prisingly handsome under all those whiskers and if that’s not a good start to a day then what is? True, she was about a thousand years old, but hey, compliments don’t have to be pretty, do they? And you’re Kruppe. You must be — who else in this city tries to eat with his nose when his mouth is filled? I’m Torvald Nom.’
‘Sit, newfound friend. Kruppe is generous enough this morning to disregard du shy;bious observation regarding his eating habits and the habits of his orifices. Kruppe further observes that you, while once a poor destitute man, have suddenly acquired impressive wealth, so finely attired and groomed are you, and that with great relief friends Scorch and Leff are soon to pay a most propitious visit to one Gareb the Lender. And on this of all days, one suspects Gareb to be most gracious at repayment of said debt, yes?’
Torvald stared at Kruppe, evidently speechless with admiration.
Kruppe’s left hand darted down, captured a puff pastry that indeed might have been trying to escape, and pushed it whole into his mouth. Beaming, he chewed.
‘You got the money?’ Leff asked Torvald.
‘What? Oh. Here,’ and he drew out a pouch, ‘In full. Kruppe, you are witness to this, so don’t try anything, Leff. Not you either, Scorch. Walk it straight over to Gareb’s. Get the chit saying I’m cleared, too. Then come straight back here and I’ll buy you all lunch.’
Scorch was looking back and forth between Torvald and Kruppe, and finally of the latter he asked, ‘What was that you said about Gareb?’
Kruppe swallowed, licked his lips, and said, ‘Why, only that a dastardly thief broke into his estate last night and stole his entire hoard. The poor man! And ’tis said the thief stole much more than that — why, the wife’s dignity, too, or at least her innocence in so far as nonmarital intercourse is concerned.’
‘Hold on,’ Leff said. ‘The thief slept with Gareb’s wife? Where was Gareb?’
‘At a moneylenders meeting, Kruppe understands, discussing important matters and, no doubt, eating his fill of grapes and whatnot.’
‘Well then,’ Torvald Nom said, ‘won’t he be happy I’ve returned to repay my debt.’
‘Won’t he just!’ said Kruppe, beaming once more.
Leff took the bag of coins and peered inside. ‘All there?’
‘All there,’ Torvald replied.’
Leff rose and said, ‘Let’s get this done with, Scorch.’
When the two were gone, Torvald Nom sat back in his chair and smiled at Kruppe.
Who smiled back.
And when that was done with, Kruppe collected another pastry and held it be shy;fore his mouth, in order to more closely observe its delight, and perhaps torture it a moment before his mouth opened like a bear’s jagged maw. Poised thus, he paused to glance over at Torvald Nom. ‘Upstairs, dear sir, you shall find, if you so desire, a cousin of renown. Like you, suddenly returned to fair Darujhistan. None other than Rallick, among the Noms of House Nom one might presume a sheep blacker than you. Indeed, the very black of nadir, the Abyss, whilst you might re shy;veal a lesser black, such as charcoal. Two sheep, then, in this very inn, of a very dark hue — why, could Kruppe but witness such a meeting!’ And time now to lift an admonishing finger. ‘But listen, dear friend Torvald Nom, most clandestine is Rallick’s return, yes? Seal thy lips, I beg you!’
‘He’s in hiding? Who from?’
A flutter of pudgy fingers, like worms in a reef-bed. ‘Quick, then, lest he depart on some fell errand. Kruppe will save your seat here against your return — he so looks forward to the sumptuous lunch for which Torvald will pay and pay hap shy;pily!’
Torvald was suddenly sweating, and he fidgeted in the chair. ‘The reunion can, er, wait. Really, why would I want to bother him right now? No, honest, Kruppe, and as for secret, well, I’ll keep it just fine, provided you, er, do the same. Say nothing to Rallick, I mean. Let me. . surprise him!’
‘Rallick has little love for surprises, Torvald Nom, as you must surely know. Why, just last night he-’
‘Just don’t say anything, all right?’
‘Oh, aren’t conspiracies delicious? Kruppe will say nothing to no one, none to worry no matter what. This is a most solemn promise most solemnly promised! Now, old friend, be so good as to accost yon Meese o’er there — some wine to loosen the throats prior to vast meal, yes? Kruppe’s mouth salivates and, perhaps, so too sniffles his nose — all in anticipation, yes?’
‘If this is what I want, then I don’t want it.’
