‘Then make sure you don’t stay too long,’ he said. ‘This place is quite dull without you.’
My feelings were very mixed as my mother and I made the journey to the coast accompanied by my father who saw us on to the packet boat before leaving us. It had been sad to say goodbye to the children, to Charles and Lisette, but I was anxious about my grandmother and I could not suppress a certain excitement at the prospect of seeing Eversleigh again. I think my mother felt the same, though she was very subdued.
We had a reasonably good crossing and arrived at Dover in the afternoon so that it was evening before we reached Eversleigh.
There was the old house as I remembered it—not so imposing perhaps as the Château d’Aubigné, but grand in its own mariner.
Sabrina rushed out when she heard our arrival. She embraced us fervently. ‘It is wonderful to see you!’ she cried. ‘I am so delighted that you have come.’
‘How is my mother?’ asked my mother.
‘Weak … but so excited at the prospect of seeing you. I am sure it will do her the world of good. Oh, here’s Dickon.’
And there he was—Dickon, who had been so much in my thoughts for so long. He was just as I remembered him—‘larger than life’, as someone had once said of him; and as good-looking as he ever had been. A wig covered those hyacinthine locks, which was a pity, but his eyes were even more startlingly blue than I remembered.
‘Zipporah!’ he cried, first to my mother. He embraced her and I noticed that she tried to hold aloof, but he appeared not to notice that and hugged her affectionately.
And then he was looking at me. He said my name softly. ‘Lottie … Lottie … grown-up Lottie.’
I held out my hand to him but he ignored the gesture and lifted me up in his arms, laughing up at me.
‘How exciting … Lottie is here.’
Sabrina was looking at him with that mingling of admiration, tenderness and adoration which I remembered so well. I saw my mother’s lips tighten, and I thought: Nothing has changed.
As for myself I had been waiting ever since I knew I was coming here for this moment.
‘They must be worn out,’ said Sabrina. ‘Did you have a good journey? Your rooms are ready … your old rooms. I thought you would like that. But would you like to see Clarissa first?’
‘Of course,’ said my mother. ‘Let’s go to her at once.’
Sabrina led the way up the staircase which I remembered so well.
Dickon was close to me. He put an arm around me. ‘Lottie,’ he said, ‘what fun that you are here.’
I said coolly: ‘I hope my grandmother is not seriously ill.’
‘She is getting on in years now,’ said Sabrina, ‘and she has grown weaker these last months. That is why I thought you should come.’
‘You should have come before,’ said Dickon.
Sabrina smiled. ‘Of course they should. In fact we were all very put out that you went abroad.’
‘At least that left you Eversleigh,’ I said, looking at Dickon. I was telling myself: It is different now. I know so much about you. I know you chose this place instead of me.
I must remember that, for in these first moments I was beginning to be too much aware of the potent charm of Dickon and was filled with misgiving.
We went to my grandmother’s room. She was sitting up in bed looking frail but pretty in a lacey pink bedjacket.
‘Zipporah!’ she cried and my mother ran to her. ‘And Lottie! Oh my dears … how wonderful to see you. It has seemed so long …
We embraced and she made us sit on either side of the bed. ‘Tell me all your news,’ she said. ‘Tell me about dear little Charlot and Claudine. Oh, Lottie, it is so odd to think of you as a mother. You seem only a child yourself.’
‘Time passes. I am no longer a child, Grandmother.’
‘Dear Lottie, as lovely as ever. She is, is she not, Sabrina? Dickon?’
Sabrina nodded and Dickon said: ‘She’s lovelier. She’s Lottie-grown-up, Lottie the woman. She’s even more lovely than Lottie the child.’
Sabrina and my grandmother looked at him and smiled in the way I remembered so well. My mother’s face had hardened and the years seemed to drop away and we were back in those days when there was conflict because Dickon wanted to marry me.
‘You are a father now, Dickon,’ she said.
‘Oh, the terrible twins,’ put in Sabrina indulgently. ‘They were rather cross because they weren’t allowed to sit up. You’ll see them in the morning.’
‘They must be about eight years old now,’ said my mother.
‘So you remember,’ commented my grandmother indulgently.
‘You’ll have a lot of time to talk,’ said Sabrina, smiling at my grandmother. ‘I’m going to take them to their rooms now. You’ll want to wash and have something to eat, I dare say. You’ll see them again very soon, Clarissa.’
My grandmother nodded and smiled contentedly while Sabrina took charge of us and led us to our rooms.
