What memories come back to me in that room! And I am sure my mother felt the same in hers. She had not always been happy here and she was obviously remembering a great deal that was disturbing. We were both going to find our stay here rather upsetting. A brief glimpse of Dickon had made that certain. He had lost none of his charm and I was as conscious of him as I had ever been. I warned myself I would have to be wary.
I washed and changed and went down with my mother to a meal.
‘Are you feeling all right?’ I asked her.
She turned to give me a searching look. ‘I’m a little emotional, I’m afraid. It’s coming back here. I remember so much about the place. Uncle Carl … and then Jean-Louis and I here together.’
‘Grandmother, Sabrina and Dickon were not here then.’
‘No, they came when we left.’
‘I dare say there will be lots of differences.’
‘Oh, I dare say. Your grandmother does not seem as bad as I feared she might be. That’s a relief. I don’t think we should stay very long, do you, Lottie? I mean … you’ll be wanting to get home … and your father made me promise not to stay too long.’
‘We have only just come,’ I reminded her.
But even as early as that I was telling myself that I should never have agreed to come, for Dickon was determined to take up our relationship where it had been broken off, which was characteristic of his attitude to life. I really do believe that he saw himself as the very centre of existence with everything revolving round him and everyone there for his convenience. Others might be obliged to take care what they did; the same did not apply to him. If he wanted to act without honour he would do so; I am sure he believed so charmingly that everyone would forgive him.
‘No, I told myself. Not everyone. I shall never forget that he chose Eversleigh and let me go.
As we sat at table that night he singled me out for his attention.
‘Do you ride much in France, Lottie?’ he asked.
‘A great deal,’ I replied.
‘Good. We’ll go out tomorrow. I have just the horse for you.’
Sabrina smiled. ‘It will do you good, Lottie. And you’ll be safe with Dickon.’
I wanted to burst out laughing. I should be safer even alone than with Dickon.
My mother was talking about Claudine and what an enchanting child she was. ‘She has a bit of a temper, the nurse tells me. Oh, I do wish I could see my grandchildren more. Little Charlot is quite a charmer.’
‘What would you expect of Lottie’s son?’ asked Dickon.
‘I am wondering,’ I retorted, ‘what I am to expect of yours.’
‘Strange to think of us as parents, eh Lottie?’ said Dickon.
‘Why? We are no longer young.’
‘That’s nonsense,’ he said. ‘I feel young. You look young. Therefore we are young. Is that not so, dear Mother?’
‘Dickon is right,’ said Sabrina. Indeed, I thought, when in your eyes has he ever been anything else?
My mother asked questions about the neighbourhood. ‘What of that old house. Enderby?’
‘It’s empty now,’ Sabrina told her. ‘The Forsters left after the fire. They wanted to get away … understandably. Another family came but they didn’t stay long. Nobody does at Enderby. Dickon was a hero in that fire.’
‘My mother always sees the best of me,’ said Dickon.
‘Yes,’ put in my mother coolly, ‘she does indeed.’
‘Well, isn’t that the way a mother should see her offspring?’ asked Dickon. ‘Don’t you look at dear Lottie through rose-coloured glasses?’
‘I don’t need to,’ retorted my mother. ‘Lottie pleases me very much in her natural state.’
‘Zipporah has indeed become the gracious lady,’ observed Dickon. ‘Madame la Comtesse—no less. You must live very magnificently in your château.’
‘It is very pleasant,’ admitted my mother.
‘You look younger than you did before you left England. Oh, but then, of course, you had such anxieties.’
My mother did not reply. She went on quietly eating her food; but I knew she was annoyed with him and that he was deliberately stirring up memories which she would rather forget. For all that, she was determined not to let him see this, but I, who knew her so well, realized that she was feeling far from calm.
I was glad when the meal was over and we could retire. My mother said she would go straight to her room, for the journey had been very exhausting indeed.
We called in on my grandmother and chatted for about a quarter of an hour and then went to our rooms.
I had not been in mine very long when there was a tap on my door. I felt my heart start to race. I thought: No. Even he would not dare.
A voice said: ‘May I come in?’
Relief flooded over me for it was Sabrina.
‘Oh, Lottie,’ she said. ‘I do hope you are comfortable. I am so glad you came with your mother. Your grandmother is delighted. She has talked of nothing else since she knew you were coming. We are all so pleased?’
I said: ‘I am looking forward to meeting Dickon’s sons.’
‘You’ll love them. They are such rascals. Dickon says Jonathan takes after him, so you will gather that Jonathan is the more lively of the two.’
‘It must be great fun to have twins.’
