Now he has been captured again, just after returning from prison and not recovered yet, sad and crying, still mourning because his father had been killed by the Americans. A few days ago the enemy arrived at his house, captured one brother and his sisters, and killed an elder brother who was hiding in a foxhole. They burned his house and his mother cried by her son’s body in the burning building. Is there anything sorrier than this?
My dear Duong! With those pirates robbing our country, every time I think about you my heart is so filled with hate I cannot breathe. We must force them to pay for their crimes. We have to gain revenge for you and for so many of our comrades who have fallen in this cruel fight.
December 18, 1968. I cannot accept what Mui* said; our way is the way of friends. It cannot be the way filled with the sunshine of warm love. So I will treat him now and forever like an understanding and faithful friend. That is enough. We should not and cannot have more than that.
Just a small story, but why does it sadden me so? It is not the only small story; there are many still happening in my life. Why is life so complicated? Every day has a new story, every turn a new tale. My dear Thuy! If you want love every day to have a new aspect, then how can everything else including sadness and peoples’ jealousy stay the same?
Don’t be sad, please smile. Please remain strong in any situation. Please always keep your faith, with all the hope from years gone by in your spirit.
Tonight on duty, a very gloomy light in the small room, the patients’ moaning made me feel so sad. More than ever I miss them with almost a burning in my heart. All of you beloved people, does anyone understand my heart tonight?
December 19, 1968. Went up a high mountain to work, and when I arrived at the top I looked out and could see before me the seashore of Duc Pho far away. There was a fog cover so the view was not clear, but still I could make out the familiar scene. All of routes 32 and 33 of Quy Thien*, all the houses close to the foothills there, all the beautiful memories of my revolutionary life, for me over there are all the loving hearts… and over there is just a piece of the South, but why is my heart so close to them?
December 21, 1968. For a long I haven’t thought of M. Today I reread all the letters from the North, letters from Thai, Phuong, Uncle Hien… and they saddened me. Back there everyone hopes that I will be happy when I meet M again, but why is life so complicated and unstable? I heard Uncle Hien say about Dung that all the weak connections between him and Dung have slowly ended, and now he finds out that Dung is a good person, nice, kind, strong, but also a loyal friend.
Life’s happiness hasn’t come to me yet, so I don’t know what will happen, whom I will love, what kind of person that will be, and whether I will still have warmth in my heart or not.
My dear Thuy! Are you sad? Please look again: besides you there are so many comrades, so many young people dedicating their youth to the Revolution. They fall without ever yet knowing happiness. Why do I think about my personal life? Don’t look to the North; look here at this land hot with bombs, bullets, sorrow, fire and smoke.
December 23, 1968. The memory of two years ago today, getting into the car at 3 o’clock in the afternoon, the same day which two years ago brought me into another way of life. This way is filled with difficulties: I understood that before ever coming this way.
But today, after practically 2 years, are you still sorry when you see the thorns along this way, Thuy? Why feel so sorry? Life is like that; there are beautiful, fragrant flowers and sunshine… then there are also dark clouds in the sky. A year has days of sun and has days of rain.
This afternoon I knew how to get rid of the anger, to smile and with notebook explain the lessons; tonight I knew how to smile at the reaction of the person bothering me, but why in the face of this book am I crying? Don’t cry Thuy! Please be strong and calm: you know that you are a good person. If you want to cry, please wait until you hold the hand of some beloved person to whom you can tell all these things. But now in front of this bitter and difficult life, in the face of all these challenges please keep the smile which you have kept for a long time, even if many tears hide behind that smile. Save your tears for the people you love. Do you understand Thuy?
December 26, 1968. Received letters from M and his father: it seems that everyone is happy for me when they know that, but why does it make me so sad?
