February 15, 1969. New Year’s Eve!* is it really New Year’s Eve? New Year’s Eve with all the sorrowful days filled with fire and smoke, and all the happy and peaceful days. The countryside is so calm and quiet but it is burning with preparation. Is that like the pain of a mother carrying a large child before he was born? Tonight after an operation I feel tired and don’t want anything anymore. That is my own fault.
February 17, 1969. You came because of duty, but also because of me. I can tell by your eyes full of affection for me. We are both the same; New Year’s does not belong to anyone, but for me with the situation now I feel lonely… I am far away from family, far away from the people I love in the North and in the South. For you there is no one left of your family except your two young sisters and brothers. You have me but I am far away from you. But our love will warm our hearts. Be happy, please. Don’t be sad when you are far away from me; I wish you a year filled with luck, victory and with our love growing stronger.
February 19, 1969. The air is so terribly quiet. Where did the warm wind of last night fly to? The jungle and trees are too quiet, so still that even the leaves don’t want to move. It seems that people are affected by the silence of the jungle and the mountain; everyone is very quiet in their own jobs. I don’t know what they are thinking but they stare and their smiles disappear. For me, my heart is so heavy and very confused. The first thing is I miss my family, and I miss him, but that is natural. Why do I see all those images from my past life? A morning on military operations with the trees and forest also quiet, the sunshine on the mountain top, a morning in the Delta with the sun shining on the table through the door, coming in past all the bamboo outside…
Something is waiting for me… what is waiting I don’t know for sure, perhaps I am waiting for everyone to return, the days pass so fast that the happy day will come… all those things are like a dream but still turn over in my mind and spirit.
And it also seems I have to worry about love. If everything we worry about happens then I am ready to die for the last victory, but why is the coming responsibility so big? I don’t want to know for sure, because that would only make it more difficult and bring more worry. Just forget it: when it arrives then make a decision; I always remain calm in hardship. But the thing is that I have to make plans and preparations before then.
February 20, 1969. Work is heavier than ever before. I never worried like I do now. I have been asked to try hard to assume the duties of a special organization leader. Compared with before I have grown up a lot, but looking at the requests before me I think I am sinking in too much work. How can I do it all? I can only try hard, try hard, and try hard… that is all.
The army is perhaps already on its way into battle. I hope you bring back victory letting me see your black eyes in the faces of you Liberation soldiers.
February 21, 1969. Read the poems from PH* written from the North for me:
Is the love which wasn’t answered still in your heart my dear artist? For me your memory has been covered with many others for a long time, but today I read your poem and suddenly I miss you. It was a summer when the flowers bloomed red on the street, and the sun shined through the green trees. I got out of school and passed the 3 story building at 14 Le Truc Street*, looked up and saw you waiting for me with hair covering your eyes. It was an afternoon when the wind storm clouds covered the sky, but you still waited for me at the garden on Hang Day Street*. I rode my bicycle there and was surprised to recognize you under the street lights… I never loved you but I liked you as a young sister loves her older brother. That love has stopped because of the many times I broke off with you, but still you love me. In a past letter you wrote: “Well you go, and you will find a lover, but I can tell you that no where in the world will you find anyone to love you as I do”. It seems that is the truth, but I am not sorry that I don’t return your affections, so how can we have a fair and beautiful love? No matter what happens I still like you: please believe me that I will heal the love we had as sister to brother, okay?
