Did he? Or was he using their past to get what he needed now. A wife. A wife who could not bear a child so he might hold his fear at bay. She wanted a man to love her. He was saying all the right words but how could she believe him? Suddenly, when the King insisted on marriage, he was here saying he’d loved her all this time. If that was true she just felt sad for all the wasted years.
She wanted to make him understand his mistake. “I would never have walked away from you even if God himself told me you were the devil. That is how much I loved you.”
“But will Glengarry love you?”
She turned away and said, “I intend to take the time to find out.”
He swung her around to face him. “I have to announce my engagement in two days.”
“I’m sorry, Dougray but I can’t give you an answer before then. I won’t be forced or rushed into making another marriage. The next time I marry it will be to a man who loves me as much as I love him.”
It broke her heart but she couldn’t say yes even if she wanted to. Then he’d be stuck with a woman who could not bear him an heir. She would not do that to him because she understood the craving to hold your own child in your arms. One day he would want that and then where would they be?
He tried to stop her leaving but she brushed him off. “This is all just too convenient. If the King had not commanded you wed I wonder if you would have approached me at all.”
“I would have as soon as it sunk in about you not bearing a child. I don’t know why I hadn’t realized sooner. I can risk loving you without risking your life.”
“If you do love me you’ll let me go again. I can’t marry you knowing it will deny you the one thing you need and the one thing that in time you will suddenly want—an heir.”
His hand dropped to his side. “You leave me with a choice of defying my King or picking someone else. I will have to marry another woman who I will never love. You talk about loveless marriages, and then condemn me to one.”
“I’m not condemning you. You are. Ask the King for more time and use it to find a woman you can love and face your fear. Look at Angus. He’s a giant of a man yet Tessa has born him several children.”
“And I’ve watched as each time he has sat in his study with bottles of whisky sick with fear for her. Each time he’s thinking will this be the birth that kills her.”
“But it doesn’t. You’re not God, Dougray. Only God knows when our time on this earth is up. I could die of a fever, or of an infected cut, or from a fall from my horse. Life is full of risks but I’d risk my life gladly if it gave me a child. Look at Connor. Connie’s death gave you a great gift.”
With that she pulled open the door and walked out. It was the hardest thing she had ever done and her legs could barely carry her they trembled so much.
CHAPTER 6
FLORA’S HEAD was still spinning as she reentered the crowded ballroom. She wondered if everyone looking at her knew what Dougray had been planning. Did everyone know he wanted her because she was the woman who could not bear a child?
She spotted her brother ahead with Tessa at his side, and made her way toward them.
“Sister, dear. We have been looking for you. Where have you been?”
“Just the retiring room.”
Tessa leaned close. “I don’t know if I’ll make it through the King’s visit. I’m exhausted and I’m out of polite conversation already.”
She wanted to blurt out what had happened. She wanted to talk with Tessa and get her advice. Flora wanted Tessa to say she wasn’t being stupid. That Dougray and her would be silly to wed given her condition.
Tessa continued to talk but Flora barely heard her as she tried to gather her thoughts. Just then a prickle at her neck made her look over her shoulder. Dougray had entered the ballroom and it was causing quite a stir. Already several ladies were vying for his attentions.
Her hands shook as he began to make his way toward them. Not here. Not in public. She could not face him. Her breathing tightened.
A hand landed on her arm. “Is everything all right, Flora? You’ve gone very pale.”
She forced her lips to curve in a smile. “It’s so hot in here. Shall we take some air?”
Tessa took one look at her face and slipped her arm through hers and led her toward the terrace calling over her shoulder, “Angus, we will be on the terrace. We won’t be long. Flora needs some air.”
She didn’t look back; instead she focused on her breathing and tried to gather her somersaulting thoughts. Once they reached the terrace she did not stop. She pulled Tessa along with her and they almost skipped down the steps into the garden itself, moving away from prying eyes and ears.
When they reached a small fountain area with a bench seat she indicated that Tessa should sit while she paced up and down.
“Did you know that Dougray would ask me to marry him?”
Tessa jumped to her feet on a squeal. “Goodness, how exciting. How long have you two been secretly courting.” Her smiled died. “Wait, it can’t be that long he was with Lady Carissa only the other…” She stopped with hand on hips. “The Kings visit.”
